Lei

Its a wonderful thing.

"Heeeeyyyyy mon, its a wonderful thing. Just listen to me. This ting" she said pointing her fingers at her chest. At first I wasn't sure what she was getting at other than why is she pointing her fingers at that part of her body.

I was at the nursing home and started chatting with one of the staff as the entertainment news was on. There was a picture of the guy from the bachelor show on.
"Do you know who that guy is?" I asked the nurse.
"Who? Him? What are you talking about mon?" The nurse is jamaican. That's why she speaks that way.
"Thats the guy from the bachelor show the other night. Did you hear what he did?"
"Oh yeah, I was just flippin through the channels and happened to catch it on the tube. He's the one who proposed to the two women. One day after another."
"Yeah, imagine that, the guy tells the one woman that it was the first time that he could tell her that he loved her. Then the next day change his mind go to the second woman whom he sent home and tell her she's the one he loves."
Just then another nurse jumped into the conversation.
"Lei! You watched that show? I can't believe that." she giggled.
The jamaican nurse jumped back in. "Well I'm glad that that man realized his true feelings. Love is a wonderful thing. When it happens you can feel it right here." Pointing to her chest again.
"I tell you Lei, god did a wonderful thing for us and let us feel this love. You know it when they are the one" the nurse kept telling to me.
"You know" I said to her. "I just found out there's a church for sale in my friends neighborhood. You should buy it. Then you can become a priest and spread the word as you are now."

Happy Birthday

Some people disappeared last week. My friends boyfriends father passed away during a time when her relationship was in turmoil. Gambit flew to Texas to be with his long time friend because his father had also died. My persian friend and his sister flew to Iran to visit his father who was admitted to hospital. How could three fathers all become very sick or die in a span of two weeks?

Let it be known that earlier today in China, the founder of this site (Sausalito) and his wife became proud parents of a baby boy. We wish Sausalito and his new family all the best. So despite losing a few bodies, we managed to gain one still. There is still a deficit however. This is an economics joke. har har.

Moving on, I celebrated my birthday this past weekend with a good friend of mine whose birthday is a few days after mine. We had reservations at Milestones in Yaletown for a group of 19 people. I remember having dinner at this restaurant a while ago with another friend of mine and being given a table near the back. During that time we talked about reserving the large glass dinner room at the back for some special occasion. That happened this weekend and it was a suprise as the restaurant originally had told me that the room was already reserved for another group. The food was good and the staff was quite obliging as no one pressured us to order our food faster given that we spent almost an hour just having drinks and chatting before most of our group had arrived. In the end, we hurried ourselves out so that we could make it to a local night club to make it on time for the guestlist entry.

I got some good pics from this evening but due to this sites current crippled state, I will not post any of the photos here.

I went out on valentines day for dinner with a friend. His girlfriend was away attending a wedding in Winnipeg and I am still single. We went to a japanese all-you-can-eat sukiyaki restaurant. The food was great and the really cute staff made dining out on valentines day much more pleasurable. I even ran into a couple I knew who were having their valentines dinner at the same restaurant.

I've rearranged the furniture. Slowly I've been getting rid of some clutter and now I have a new plant in the room beside the lamp in the corner. It's amazing what one plant can do to change the loop of the place if set up and placed right. I also inherited a new tv stand unit. Now the home theatre system and all my movies are all organized neatly instead of just sitting around on the floor.

On friday, the free whistler pass came in the mail. This was a surprise as I had thought that the airmiles program would have taken four months or more to send it to me. The snow awaits.

Stay the Course, Rice in hand.

The element didn't glow bright orange but you could feel the heat sneaking through the seam between the lid and the pot. Slowly filling the air with the clean scent of fresh rice.

I tried to make rice today in a saucepan instead of a rice cooker. I don't know how people do it and I'm feeling too lazy to google the technique. I look down at my fingers on the keyboard and in my mind I'm pleading with them. "Moooove... mmmmoooooooove... type some words and hit enter damn it!". I am helpless. After today, I will go back to using the old tried and true automatic rice cooker. Cause it'll come out right each time with that clean fresh taste. No soy sauce is required.

Many months have passed since the last entry. In fact one year. Most recently I've tried to spend part of that time playing with my friends SONY PSP handheld game system. I am partway through the MotoGP world championship race circuit having conquered Monza, Silverstone, and the one in the Netherlands as well as Spain. I found that to be successful in the game I had read the track as though I were on a real motorcycle traveling at high speeds. Not that I've ever done that. (*Cough!Cough!*) Anyways, what I mean is to look far down the track and begin the turn before you even get to it. That means making the change in direction as smooth as possible, carrying as much speed through the curve as possible too. Watching the little track progress diagram on the left side of the screen resulted in reacting to the upcoming set of turns too late or too early on many occasions. One should always just keep ones eyes on the course in front of them looking farther ahead the faster one goes.

I will make another attempt to revive this site. With software in hand already for those who used to blog here I had attempted to update this site but stopped halfway through fearing the great complexity of... SQL database setup and this movable types software. During this time I have already started up a new site using wordpress and other features. Words are flashing. Links are linking. Database is being databased. It's running pretty good but the goal and content of that site is a little bit different. However the success of that site is yet to be determined as it is only in its infancy being barely one and a half months old. Then there's facebook. I need to stop using it. I will stop. Really.

The other day I contacted someone who had read this blog some years ago and has a hepatitis C blog. Once again I am too lazy to switch to the other internet browser which has full blog text formatting support (not sure why mozilla doesn't support it) so I would rather just type the following. Please go to the list of links below or to the right of this page and click on "ron metcalfe's hep C blog". After seeing his email I am glad to say that he is cured of his disease and living a healthy normal life. Congradulation's to him on his triumph!

Uh oh. Behind is the sound of rice boiling over onto the stove. I'm making congee now.

No More Cancer

She sits there with empty blank eyes,
She sits there with empty blank eyes,
She sits there with empty blank eyes,
She sits there with empty blank eyes.

Each breathe is a struggle,
Each breathe is a struggle,
Each breathe is a struggle,
Each breathe is a struggle.

Gasping for air is gasping for life,
Gasping for air is gasping for life,
Gasping for air is gasping for life,
Gasping for air is gasping for life.

I watched her lay in there in her last hours. We all stood around wondering when it would happen. My two cousins, their father, watching their mother slowly depart. My sister was present and so was I. When I entered, I said "Hi." She could not respond but she could hear, the last time she would ever hear.

She wasn't old but she looked very frail. Thin and weak, no strength in her body. My uncle was silent, holding her hand. He did not speak, he could not cry.

No more cancer,
No more cancer,
No more cancer,
No more cancer.

At 11:45pm on November 15, 2007, no more cancer.

Summer Evenings

It has been sometime now since the day that my brother left me on the garage floor trapped under the garage door. This must be his way of getting back at me for all the times I beat him out in music, school or anything else when we were young. My hair has grown long and grey draped down across my face onto the ground outside. With every new gust of wind, I can feel the fall season approaching. As I lay there, each word from my mouth is just a thought or an idea in the shrinking world inside my head. Each word grows faint and remains unheard.

The jazz fest was in town this summer and I happened to get a chance to see one of the bands. I forgot the name of the band so my apologies for the lack of credit to them. This is one of my friends friends favourite band. The style sure was different and I couldnt' quite get into it but the others seemed to like it.

Then there was the lantern festival. My friend whom I refer to as Cakemaker, and I returned to this years lantern festival in deer lake park. Hundreds of homemade lanterns are made and a small parade is formed as everyone walks around the lake shining their lights in the night. Last year was my first time seeing this event and this year my friend wanted to take part in it somehow. So what did we do? We scraped together whatever we could think of at the dollar store and came up with this.

Initially I thought that it was a good idea until we lit it up and realized the metal wire cage inside combined with the face made this look like a halloween lantern. Oh well. There's always next year.

Aside from our semi-blunderous attempt, this years displays was bigger with the addition of a large square tent in the middle of a field. On the grass was a whole bunch of paper bag lanterns laid around the square white tent forming a star when viewed from high above. In between each arm of the star was a circle.

For five dollars, you can go inside and project your human shape on the wall for everyone to see.

At the symphony of fire, China put on a very artist and almost olympic level performance. Their fireworks was choreographed quite closely to the music that they chose. However, the music they did choose was filled with a very sinister and dark theme. For example, in one segment after numerous explosions had left smoke everywhere, there was a pause in the music. All that you could see a single row of flames/sparklers burning brightly along the surface of the water. Orange and yellow flames reflecting in the clouds of smoke as the crowd watched in near silence. And during this pause I noticed the cries and screams of people behind me on the beach which made it feel like I was standing in front of a city burning in the night on the horizon. This went on for some seconds before the barrage of fireworks and music continued on.

I am guessing that this is why they lost to Canada which was not timed as well I thought. Below is one of the less dark and sinister choreographed displays of china's fireworks.

Progress with the rahabillitation of my left knee was coming along but still a huge pain in the butt. I had become quite frustrated and went back to my familiy doctor who initially said that it was fine and had sent me home without a second thought. This time he referred me to a knee specialist who thinks that I may have torn something inside. As a result, I am now on a waiting list for an MRI appointment at St. Pauls hospital. Any hopes of hitting the slopes again this coming season is slowly disappearing as I anticipate that there will be some sort of arthroscopic surgery involved plus the recover time never mind the estimated three months just to get the MRI scan done. One first choice was to get on the MRI waiting list at Surrey Memorial except that their list is 6 months long.

While perusing through a local newspaper at a coffee shop the other day, I found an ad for a private clinic which had immediate availability of an MRI knee scanner. I just had to cough up about five hundred dollars. Priviledges of the more fortunate people in our 2 tiered medical system.

Despite this obstacle and the over abundance of work all summer, I managed to finally get out onto the beach during the final month of august for a bit of beach volleyball. I didn't want to miss it completely and am barely getting a bit of its exposure. On one particular day, I met another player who had been sidelined with a knee injury from an indoor league game. He showed me his scar from the surgery and explained what he had gone through.

I took the other friday off and went to Kitsilano beach with a friend who was in between jobs at the time. On the way there I stopped at the 'Taco Shack' on Cornwall avenue and just as I approached the front, local hockey hero Trevor Linden came out. I didn't stop him for an autograph or bother him with mindless chit chat filled with applause. I just stuck my foot out and watched him fall on the sidewalk smearing his freshly made chicken burrito all over his clean shirt and the pavement beneath him. Okay that didn't happen but I did let him by. Inside I sat down with my freshly made chicken burrito and the daily newspaper. On the front page was Trevor Linden with headlines that read something to the effect of 'Linden back for one more year'. It had his stats and I found out he is just one year older than me yet he will probably retire after this year. Let this be a good final year.

I went to the famed Mortons steak house this summer with my sister. At the same time I got to meet her running club. A nice bunch of people including a couple of Magee highschool alumni and some small business owners.

Mortons is supposed to be a very expensive and very good steakhouse. Unfortunately, the only thing that came true was the expensive part despite the 'summer' special. The majority of us didn't like our steaks. I've had better at the Keg and Gothams for far less although I suggest you try Gothams during the january dineout vancouver event.

Robot Dancer and the Wall

boo-bee-boo-boom-bop-tada-dee-dumm. Strutting his way across the floor he moves with the grace of a well oiled machine. Half human, half computer. DJ Chocolate switches the tunes and all of a sudden the robot freezes and loses his rhythm while his partner just stands there waiting for him to lead. He is a robot dancer.

Friday evening I went to the Law Courts downtown for the last time. The 'Law' has decided that the salsa dancing event is no longer appropriate for the venue. The 'Pitaman' as we call him announced this to everyone that evening and asked everyone to help by signing a petition. Will the law win if we fight it? Still it was a good night. Volleyball girl came out unexpectedly as well as some classmates of mine and my friends. I will miss this place as it is definitely considered by many in the vancouver salsa community to be one of the best places to go. I am glad that two of my other friends were finally able to come out to try it. In repeated attempts to get them to come, I had reassured them that since it wasn't really a club like place, there wasn't as much of the guys hitting on women but more just people going because they liked to salsa or wanted to learn. Unfortunately, the second guy who danced my friend asked for her number and told her that he loved her. She got out of there as fast as she could and quickly appeared standing besides me again. I guess it doesn't matter where you go these days.

In place of the law courts, a new salsa dance is being held at the Howard Johnson hotel on thursdays and saturdays.

Every tuesday is salsa night at Atlantis. Cakemaker found out about it and got all excited. This was our first time at the club and it wasn't bad. I've noticed that its pretty much the same crowd everywhere. The same people. You see the same instructors and the same organizers at all of these places. Cakemaker had lots of fun as I tried to show her some steps which we practiced over and over and over because she wanted to.

I returned to UBC on friday for the first time in many years since graduation. The Structural engineering company I work for received the contract to do the engineering for the work being done to IRC lecture hall number 6. I had to go there to verify the architectural drawings given to us. Many times we receive plans from architects which are not properly updated or are incorrect. Upon going there I ran into two people I knew right away while looking for parking in a service road near IRC and the hospital. After finishing my work, I called up my sister who works at UBC in human resources. They seem to trade office personnel between various departments. Currently she is in forestry HR and they had just finished having a staff pizza lunch. Then I call up and she decides to leave and join me for lunch. The campus is much different than when I used to be there. Tons of new buildings especially in the engineering end of the campus. A whole slew of new campus residences where the old B lot parking used to be. On the topic of food, there are many new and more varied food choices in the SUB and around campus. The barn is somewhat the same but now competes with outside franchises found everywhere else like Tim Hortons and starbucks. The old arcade inside the SUB on the lower level has been replaced with a fast food sushi restaurant. In the end, I decided to go back to the deli on the lower level. I used to come here all the time for their chicken breast sandwich which was my favourite. If I was a student now, back at UBC, things might be different with some of the other choices but for a quick and relatively cheap meal, this was it for me. We sat at a table nearby and chitchatted for a bit as I looked around at the place and all the students busily walking around. Even though there have been many changes, the place still feels the same as before. The old bus loop just outside the sub is no longer a bus loop. It is just a general parking lot. In front of the sub's south entrance the two giant twelve or fourteen foot tall walls are already up. The end of the semester is nearly here and the annual storm the wall event will take place. I've climbed that wall by myself once in my attempt at the ironman category. I barely finished that race. Partway through I started to feel like throwing up due to over-exhaustion and began walking. Another guy in my heat did the same and we started talking in the middle of the race. The majority of the people watching the race didn't see this as this section of the course was hidden behind the biology and chemistry building. Everyone else was at the SUB waiting for us to come dashing into the final sprint before attempting to scale the big wall. When the two of us got close to the last corner, we agreed to begin running again before everyone could see us. The event is a show and we were just acting the part for for the twenty or so minutes it took us to finish the course.

Motivation

How did I do it? How did I break this blog page. Sorry folks, this blog site of Lei and others is currently experiencing technical difficulties. Please stay tuned. The approximate time to fix this blog is currently undefined.

I started taking a mandarin business language course at SFU and am trying to organize a team for urban rec beach volleyball's spring league. Last thursday I went to one of those motivational speech seminar things with Anthony Robbins. Susan Summers from the old comedy show 'Three's Company' was one of the guest speakers. She talked about her sex life and hormone therapy to promote her latest book 'Aging' or 'Ageless'. I can't quite remember the exact title and am too lazy to quickly google it. The recent president of mexico and his wife also spoke. They had just ended their tenancy in the mexican government this past december. Seeing Anthony Robbins speak at the end was certainly interesting. Or rather a bit weird because he is a really big guy to see moving around the stage like he does trying to motivate people with his words and the music they play. Personally, I just liked seeing the mexican president and his wife. They look like such a happy couple.

Saturday night my salsa class had a 'fieldtrip' to the Gecko club on richards. I invited some friends to join the outing which was good because most of the class didn't show up. None of the students from my class went but I met some students from my instructors other classes. This is where I would insert a pic of my instructor in some dance pose with some woman at the club except for the fact that it would cripple this site.

I met up with a friend for dinner at a restaurant sunday night and got sick during dinner. It wasn't the food despite what the restaurant staff was probably thinking as they kept looking over at my table and see my plate of food pretty much untounched. They had even offered to sear or cook the lamp chops for me. I guess I shouldn't have continued to sit there smiling and laughing the whole time. Thats how I get when I am sick and am stuck in a social situation sometimes. I think it was some kind of low blood sugar issue because the nausea came on really suddenly starting with a growing headache. I end up just eating some of the salad and fruits which my friend had ordered which I thought would make me feel better.

Someone broke into my truck the other day. All they took was my cd's. Nothing else. Phew!

Moving II

Standing in front of the club, the four of us waited in the line up. The doorman looks at me and my group of four. I show him my sears membership card. He looks at me. I look at him. He lets us into the club. Membership has its priviledges.

I'm taking a break from the clubbing circuit. After starting to recognize some faces everywhere, I think I've been spending a bit too much time in these places. My good friend has left today. After waiving good bye to him at the international departure gates I waited an hour before Gambit arrived from montreal. Gambit has a one night stopover before continuing on the second leg of his flight to the philipines for a job interview. In another hour, Cakemakers parents will leave to go back to the philipines as well. Funny how suddenly the people in my life shift in and out just like that.

Dieter left a lot of things behind. For me he gave his lavalife account having had little success. He already had some credit which would have gone to waste.

Here Dieter moves to the beats at the Caprice. Its almost closing time and the dj changed the music to some hard house music which cleared the dance floor fast. Earlier he was playing mostly hip hop which the crowd had liked. Everyone left soon thereafter.

Saturday evenings at the red room were great. We went twice enjoying the selection of electronic music. Sunday night long weekend at Lotus were alright. Good to see once but not over and over again. We checked out Shenanigans on the last night just for old times sakes but it was dead given that it was a monday evening. So instead, we went to the granville room for drinks and lounge music.

The badly sprained right ankle is still healing. I've stopped soccer and volleyball for the last couple of weeks because of this. Now its time for some winter hibernation before the ski season is fully underway. And one more thing. Auf wiedersehen mein freund.

A Wedding

All the single guys stood there in a group. Each one waiting for the wedding band to be tossed out by the groom as one of many traditional games which have taken place on this day. I went up to the back of the group and started handing off money to each person. "Here's five dollars, go sit down... Here... go have a drink..." I paid off each person one by one until I was the only person left standing there waiting for the wedding band to be tossed.

My friend Cal got married on the weekend. The previous week was his stag party. Here he sits in a chair waiting for the strippers to arrive. He's already half sick and woozy from alcohol. Not a strong drinker...

Then on the joyous day the married couple make their first walk down the aisle after taking their vows as the best man looks on weeping ("Oh god how could I let her get away...weep weep")

Cakemaker was a bridesmaid. Here she takes time out to sit with us common folks at our table.

Everything went off without a hitch. No one stood up to stop the wedding forever holding their peace. We though we'd do it as a joke but didn't.

This week I received some sort of ecard from this site. Unfortunately, it is in chinese and I can not read it. Nor am I able to understand who has sent it in the first place as they had chosen a taiwanese ecard site. So whoever it is, please resend it again but in english! My chinese is horrible!

Another Day

I walk through all the displays at Ikea. You know. Like how they present all the different rooms in a house. In one of the bathrooms, there is a young boy brushing his teeth and looking into the mirror. He flicks some tooth paste from his brush onto the mirror. In a living room display with all leather furniture, a group of young people are having a party. Music can be heard from the stereo and people are drinking. The next display stall has a man facing a woman in front of a bed. He rips off her clothes and pushes her down onto the bed where they begin to have wild passionate sex. In a kitchen a family is cooking food. A woman opens an oven and pulls out a giant roasted turkey. I can smell it from where I am as smiles appear on everyones faces. Some kids are helping their mother bake cookies in the next kitchen display. She wears a red and white criss-cross patterned apron and one of the children is partly covered in a thin layer of white flour. A man sits on a pristine white toilet in a blue and white tiled bathroom reading a copy of yesterdays papers. This is reality shopping.

I've been buying furniture from Ikea for the nursing home. Night tables and dressers. Each one takes time as you have to assembly everything. Then I have to modify each one so that they will be able to withstand the riggers of daily use by half drugged up people who can barely think straight. This is what I do after the regular day job is over.

The regular day job has also been extremely busy. Too busy in fact as I spend all day looking at architectural drawings for various projects. Everyone is so late or behind that all the requests that come in end with 'and we need this ASAP'. Yeah right. Many of these architects are individual entities that may or may not think of anyone else. They are not companies with lots of employees. The whole building industry seems to be so frantic. Despite being new to the business of structural engineering, I rejected two or three projects from some architects. Its as though they think that you are not doing anything else but their work. When I look at their designs, I find mistakes and ask them to revise their files which forces them to go back to their drawing boards. One project was for a townhouse development where the roof design was incomplete and the top floor design just didn't make any sense. On another town house project, the dimensions for various rooms were marked but when I measured the true displacements, they were all off. That architect has since gone back to the drawing board to check the size of everything in the whole development.

I threw the fish back into the water to set it free. (*dunk...sploosh*) It didn't go away. Instead it continues to swim in the water near me. Eventually it will go away. I think... I didn't want this one and in the process I broke her heart. I told her at the end of the date that it was probably going to be the last date. She cried in front of me quietly not wanting to go as I sat there wondering if I was making a mistake. I felt like such a goat for doing it. Telling her that we should just be friends. Over the past week I continue to receive messages and in each one she apologizes for crying in front of me. And that she no longer cries over me. This is the girl I met on the double date. Maybe this fish was perfectly good.

Beach volleyball is over yet the weather on the weekends has been good enough to keep going. I have no time to organize it anymore despite continued requests. Soccer has started off on a bad foot. I was very late for the first game combined with turning down invitations with these friends who have been friends for many years. As a result, the receptions has not been very warm. They feel offended when I tell them that I have other things to do or go to. Whether it is other friends or just work. I remember hearing some advice from someone. When you decide to change your life and move off in a different direction, leaving your regular group of friends behind, don't expect them to understand why because they just won't. They won't understand if you want to branch out and meet other people or move to another place, change your career or whatever. Life is always changing.

My hair is no longer just black. It has changed. The greys are for the middle of winter when the sky is filled with the same coloured clouds. My new copper red highlights will match the falling leaves. Summer clothes slowly disappear and new pieces are brought out. Seasons change and so do I.

On friday I dropped by cakemakers shop to help her fill a last minute order. For whatever reason, a client forgot to submit the payment to fill the order ahead of time. As a result, cakemaker basically only had one days notice to make everything that client wanted for her wedding. A regular two or three slab cake covered in fondont. Along with eighty mini cakes covered in fondont, wrapped with a two layer ribbon and topped with a flower. The thinking was that I would help her finish her work so we could meet up with some other people around midnight for drinks down at the Cambie. We finished the cakes around three or four in the morning. Neither of us went to the Cambie. This was supposed to be my night off from work, from working at the nursing home, from clubbing, from partying or whatever. It didn't happen.

The weekend is over and the war is about to start up again. Day in day out it will never end.

Double Weekend

I noticed something the other day. I noticed that I was sitting up straighter. No longer the hunched over person with low self confidence, I realize that I have more confidence now. The posture reflects a persons attitude I think. So where will this lead me to then?

It was a double long weekend. Friday evening my friend and I went to the salsa lessons down at the law courts. In our quest to find him a date for his company bbq this friday, I suggested that he try the dancing classes as a way to meet a potential partner. At the beginning of the class, all the guys stood on one side while the women stood facing the men on the other side. The men outnumbered the women. My friend eagerly lined up in the middle probably having already spotted someone he was interested in. I on the other hand was slow and got the short end of the stick so to speak standing at the end with no partner opposite me. But just as the instructor was about to begin, a couple groups of women showed up and stood in front of me. The class proceeded for the next hour and a half as they tried to teach us some basic salsa moves which I am sure to forget in another week or two without practice.

At the end of the class, the free dance session began for the rest of the evening just like any other latin club I suppose. The first song was similar in style and speed to what we were practicing but after that, it picked up. All the experienced dancers took over and trying to dance the basic steps seemed rather daunting at that point. My friend asked a young blonde woman to dance and she accepted. First it was the simple steps, step forward and back, step back and forward, then three sets of three steps as the couple walk around each other with one hand held high and the other low near the waist.
"I want to practice the spins." says the young woman to my friend.
"ummm, I don't know that part well enough."
"I'm tired now. I have to go she replies." She drops him like a bucket full of lead.
This is when Dieter came back over to stand beside me. We watch the dance floor and in a couple of minutes, the woman is dancing with another man. Dieter was really disappointed now.
"Lei, this is useless. We need to practice for a year before we can come back and dance with anyone."
I could tell Dieter was upset. Earlier on I had thought of asking some other woman to dance. An asian woman in a group with her girlfriends but as I approached them, a bunch of other guys swarmed around and picked them all up. I was too slow and lost my confidence. I had spoken to them briefly during the lesson and another malaysian woman whom I recognized. She was in a beautiful red dress with another female friend who was quite attractive but after the lessons had ended, they disappeared. The malaysian woman was a model and actress playing a part in the Stargate 1 sci-fi tv series as well as being a clothing model for some departmeent store ads.

A female friend of mine had also intended on coming to the dance wanting to introduce me to her friend whom she described as being really 'hot'. But after Dieter got shot down for being a beginner, he wanted to leave. I never met up with my friend and her 'hot' friend and we left to meet up with some other friends on Robson street.

On the way there, I heard more dance music by the Art Gallery.
"Dieter, we should check this out since you've never seen it before." On most fridays there is a free dance at the Robson square conference centre. The crowd is more family like without the club type setting. We watched and I could tell that Dieter liked it. In front of us were two women dancing with each other and without any partners. During a brief pause between songs, he went and asked some other woman to dance instead of the two in front of us. What he got was a slovakian woman who couldn't understand a word of english except to her name and 'yes'. The idea was that Dieter would ignore the woman that he really wanted and just dance with this other woman. So they danced and at the same time, the friend of the woman which Dieter was interested just suddenly grabbed me and started dancing. We talked and I ended up trying to show her the salsa moves which I had just learned an hour or so earlier. After the song, Dieter came back and introduced me to the slovakian woman before leaving. Dieter then finally got to talk to the woman he was interested in. In appearance, she looked like the former model and actress, Mila Johovic. Young and beautiful but at the same time, a but tough looking. After speaking with the two for a bit, Dieter joked that he was scared of her because of her looks, being a bit muscular without the bulk. The two women were from Ladner and Delta with one working at the YMCA. Carrying a bag of sandwiches and other food items, they were now on their way to feed some homeless people in the downtown area. They could not find any so I suggested what parts of downtown to go before we separated suggesting that we meet up next week for salsa lessons. I'm not sure if we will go this week although I'd be curious to see if some of the other people return for more lessons.

Afterwards, my friend who was supposed to meet me at the salsa lessons showed up late for whatever reason with her "hot friend". They too had seen the woman in the red dress and like other women, when they were in the washroom at the same time, they began talking, complimenting each other on their outfits and appearance. Some of the women who go to these things get dressed up quite well as opposed to what you'd see at a club. My female friend sometimes doesn't like to go to these salsa events because she thinks some guys just want to take advantage of the situation.

On saturday I worked. During the afternoon the woman who I was supposed to meet at the salsa lessons called.
"Hey Lei, how's it goin?"
"Good, how was salsa for you and your friend?"
"Oh we got there late but didn't stay long. I'm sorry your friend didn't have a good time."
"Yeah well he got shot down and took it kind of hard. Now he may not try it again but who knows, maybe we'll show up next week. I'd be interested in seeing who returns"
"Who was there?" Jen asks over the phone.
"Well there was a group of asian women who looked nice. And there was this one malaysian woman who I know is an actress/model..."
"was she wearing a fabulous red dress?"
"yes. she was there with a friend. I overheard her talking during the lessons."
"Did you get to dance with her?"
"Nope. it wasn't in the cards I suppose. Everytime they kept shuffling the people around, she ended up skipping my opposite side. I'm just surprised to see her there. I just figured that since she's an actress type person she'd already have a boyfriend."
"I spoke with her in the short time I was there. We met in the women washroom. She complimented me on my dress. She looked so beautiful in hers."
"Wow. Yeah women will do that. Never see guy strangers chat like that in the washrooms of clubs and such."
"So why didn't you and your friend stay later?" I ask her.
"Oh by the time we got there, my friend was tired and sometimes I don't like the guys that try to dance with you."
"Oh thats too bad. Yeah with that style of dancing, the possibility is there."
"What are you two up to tonight?"
"Dieter wants to go to a disco as he calls it. Thats what they say in germany."
"We've got tickets to a salsa cruise. If you're interested, go online and buy your tickets."
"I don't know if Dieter will want to do that. The tickets are fairly pricey for him and after being shot down last night, I don't know if he'll want to try meeting women dancing to salsa the very next day. Maybe another year."
"Well if you change your mind, give us a call. I'll be there with my friend. You should meet her Lei. You might like her. I was thinking about going down to Seattle tomorrow night too if you're interested. I have to find a room tonight to stay over. Are you interested?"
"Sorry, I can't make it because of beach volleyball. I'm one of the co-organizers/founders so I guess I have to be there."
"Ok. Maybe if we don't go to seattle, we'll drop by the beach. Or maybe now? Are you busy? Wanna come to the mall with me to buy some hair products?"
"Sorry Jen. I also can't come to the mall with you right now. I have to get some work done at the nursing home before I go out and play tonight."
I think Jen is trying really hard to spend some time with me even though I am not really interested in her.

Dieter played beach volleyball all afternoon with his other team. This day, one of the other guys brought a woman to the beach who appeared to be left alone for most of the time reading a book. Dieter befriends her.
"Why aren't you playing like everyone else?"
"I can't. I'm too old for it."
"How old are you may I ask?"
"twenty nine." Dieter gasps. He is also twenty nine.
"What are you talking about. I'm the same age."
"I haven't played since I was in high school."
"Oh don't worry. Come on... I will show you how again."
They began by just bumping the ball around to each other and the woman soon started to like it.

After work, I drove to the downtown area to meet up with Dieter. We had planned on getting some food before going to another club but when I get there Dieter has other plans.
He begins to say with his usual german accent.
"Lei, we are going to the fireworks. I have a date with Michiru. We will join her and her friends for the show. Maybe you will date with one of her other friends."
"That sounds good. A double date maybe?!?!?" This weekend seems to be full of double dating opportunities. First at the salsa had things gone better, then Jen and her friend and now Dieters date and her friend as it turns out.
We walk down to the corner of Denman and Pacific a half hour before the fireworks show starts. Somehow through the thick crowd, Michiru finds Dieter and we exchange greetings before heading towards the beach.
"Where abouts on the beach are your friends?" I ask her. Me being the only local person I assume the roll of leader.
"They're down near the water."
This isn't good being the final evening of the firworks competition the crowds are supposed to be the highest and we're right where the crowd is the thickest. Michiru leads us into the closest entrance to the beach and immediately we have to stop and wait going nowhere. It's already half dark with the light fading fast.
"Do you remember exactly where abouts from here they are? Are they closer to the trees to our right?"
"They are near the water and by the path towards the right." she answers.
"This is no good you two. Follow me."
I lead us out of the short lineup and onto the main street where its less crowded before diving back into another clogged up path with everyone else. We make are way to the path which runs parallel to the water but by now, its virtually impossible to walk in the general area where everyone sits. We abandon trying to find her friends and tell them by phone before planting ourselves on the path itself. A large group of people sitting on the grass behind the path begin chanting at other people standing on the path "sit - down sit down sit down sit down..."

The moon is more full tonight and rather bright. Directly above me I can see the stars. The big dipper is in plain view and the only one I can recognize. I say this out loud and realize that I'm the only one really keeping the conversation going in our group of three. Mostly Michiru and myself. Dieter just sits there. At one point when Michiru isn't looking at me, I start giving hand signals to Dieter moving my fingers in an open and close motion in front of my mouth, then pointing to Dieter then to Michiru. Dieter just stares at me with a blank look. I wanted Dieter to talk to Michiru more instead of me feeling like I was providing all the entertainment for the evening. Or maybe this is what the 'wingman' is supposed to do to help out his friend on a date. So I decided to clam up. The fireworks started and things were good as everyone was occupied by the lights. When it ended, we started on our way. Michiru called her friends to try to get everyone to meet each other. Dieter suggested the same place as we had met which wasn't a good idea I thought. Slowly we made our way towards Davie and Denman where the crowd was not moving at all. Everyone just got stuck there and we are only twenty to thirty feet from the middle of the intersection. We could see what was going on but could here the police motorcycle roaring around. A paddie wagon was parked nearby with its lights flashing. Two officers stood on top while others were on the ground. I could barely see the top of their helmets when the paddie wagon shook as the back door was slammed shut. We moved closer by a few steps and could see the padlock on the outside of the doorhandle jump out from the shock within. Some angry people held captive inside.

I decided to avoid Davie and chose to walk up an alley parallel to Davie street following the paddy wagon and the accompanying motorcade. We were going to meet Michiru's friend at her apartment just a couple of blocks in front of us. At bute, the police have blocked off the alley and parked the wagon about a hundred feet in. A number of officers are standing along with the motorcade. It looks like this is where the people will be interrogated or something.

We continued onward until we reached Michiru's friends apartment. A number of them had already left for home because they were all homestay students living in coquitlam or new westminster not owning a vehicle. Only one of Michiru's friend was coming out tonight. when she appeared, we were introduced.
"Kyoko, meet Dieter and Lei."
"Hi, nice to meet you" I said as we all shook hands. "Which club do we want to go to? All the ones on granville street will probably have huge line ups."
"Lets go to Odyssey." suggests Michiru. "One thing though, its a gay bar."
Dieter and I look at each other. I just laugh.
"Well Dieter, since you're also a visitor to Canada, this will be a good experience for you." Not that I have ever been to one either I thought to myself. "Plus, it also happens to be gay pride week in vancouver."
"My friends and I like going to the gay bar because we won't get hit on so much." Kyoko says to me. "On one weeknight the other gay bar celebrities has a five dollar cheap cover charge night so we go there."
As we walk down Davie street, we pass by some other gay bars and outside each one is a long line of men.
"Why don't we just keep walking down Davie street and see which one has the shortest line up. If they're all long, then we'll check out whats available on granville street at all the other regular places" I toss out.
We walk down and at Odysseys, the line up is short.
"I feel sorry for you guys. I hope you two are ok with this." Michiru says. I look at Dieter before responding.
"Do I look nervous? You know what Dieter? For once maybe its us guys who will be worried about being picked up or hit on instead of the women."
A while back I wrote that I had clammed up. Well by now I had failed. Standing in line waiting and during the walk from Kyoko's place to Odyssey, I chatted with Kyoko and couldn't help but keep talking but now I didn't feel guilty about being the one who keeps the conversation going in our group of four. I don't know how much was implied to Kyoko about this evening regarding it being a date or not. Or maybe nothing was mentioned at all as it really wasn't. The idea was just thrown out to play with in our earlier discussion between Dieter and myself about this evening.

When we got in, we got to see the place for the first time. It was packed. The music was great. Love the electronic beats. There was only a few groups of non-gay looking people. Those mainly being a bachlorette group or two and the odd couple here and there. Maybe two in total besides our group of four. Despite the sea of half naked guys dancing everywhere, it didn't bother me. They were just other people. I bought the first round of drinks for us and we checked the place out from the side of the dance floor. On a platform in front of us, a man got up and started doing a strip show. This happened about once every hour. Kyoko just giggled at watched as we partnered up away from Dieter and his date Michiru. The dance floor was crowded. Guys doing the three man sandwich, diva's dancing on various stages. I gesture like I'm dancing with a group of gay guys to my left and then to a group on my right. Kyoko laughs.

A guy in a blue t-shirt began watching us for awhile before finally tyring to talk with us. He points at Kyoko with a smile on his face, then he points at me and then to both of us together. Is he with you? Are you two together is what he was trying to say. She nods, I nod, he leaves the dance floor. A little while later he comes back to the dance floor and does the same thing and we respond similarly. We continued to dance and drank at the same time. By about three in the morning, Kyoko had only drank two bottles of Smirnoff. First green apple flavour then raspberry slowly nursing the two drinks for almost two and a half hours. We went to the washroom at the same time because she didn't want to be alone. At the corridor, I looked for the signs on the two doors, men and women. However this is a gay bar. It doesn't matter... One washroom only has closed stalls.
"Kyoko. You go in there" as I point to the room. Guys are lined up in both washrooms however. I go to the other one. Once inside, I see only one closed stall and two urinals along the wall. Beneath the door of the one stall I see two sets of feet. One is flat on the floor. The other is facing the first set but the legs are bent and the heels are raised. Use your imagination here...

I come out and Kyoko isn't there. I wait and wander over against a wall where there's a long line up of guys. In the middle along the wall are some windows and a door to an outdoor patio where people are lounging and smoking. It's a small patio hence the lineup to get into it. I go back to the entrance of the washroom and kyoko comes out. She come up to me slowly before almost falling over. I catch her.
"Are you alright?"
"I'm okay she says."
I hold her up briefly before she starts falling towards me. I catch her again.
"Lets go back to the couch and sit down."
We make our way there and Dieter is sitting with Michiru on the couch opposite us. Two gay guys are sitting beside us now too. Kyoko seems ok now as we get her some water. I sit there and hold her as she turns and rests on me now.
She wasn't sick but the two bottles was enough.
"I'm surprised you're this drunk especially after you've only been drinking the two bottles so slowly."
"It's alright. I just don't drink that often." She lied there against me before she turned and started kissing me. Everyone around us disappeared. Dieter and Michiru went off to the dance floor and the two gay guys left. Spending the 'quality time' with Kyoko now, I imagined that she was generally very conservative and didn't have a boyfriend. She was the independent type leaving japan to go travelling around now living here in canada on a student/work visa. She wasn't rich and didn't have enough money to study which is another thing that she wanted. So maybe all that pent up emotions held up inside suddenly released after a couple bottles of alcohol. Just like the young japanese woman who totally let herself loose on the dance floor at the wedding the other week. On sunday, one of my friends friend also got drunk at another wedding. He was usually quite conservative but on this day after six or seven shots with the groom, he was totally wasted and even started crying in front of everyone. His wife who normally did the crying whenever I had seen them arguing about something was now the one not crying.
When I stopped making out with Kyoko on the couch, I noticed a couple sitting on the couch opposite us watching us with great interest.
"How are you feeling now Kyoko?"
"I'm good. Do you want another drink Lei?" she asked me.
"No its alright. I think we've had enough alcohol for this evening. I'm still surprised at you with just your two drinks."
By now Dieter and Michiru are back.
"Hey Lei, maybe we should leave now." I nod but interject.
"Lets just try to get some more water and have kyoko rest a bit."
We get up and Kyoko is still a bit wobbly so we sit back down on the same couch as the couple who was watching us. Dieter is back with a cup of water as I continue to hold Kyoko in my arm. Dieter leaves and a gay guy stop to talk to Kyoko.
"Is he treating you alright?"
She nods in agreement.
"Good. Here, drink some more water" adds the gay guy as he pours water from his bottle into hers. A little while later another gay guy comes by and stops.
"Don't fall asleep honey." I had been distracted. The couple sitting beside us had started talking to me.
"Is she going to be ok?" the woman asks.
"Yeah. She's not sick. Just a little too much to drink."
"Thats good to hear. If you need any help, let me know and I'll be glad to help you take her home. I'm also japanese. My names Hiroko."
"Nice to meet you Hiroko. It'll be ok. Kyoko doesn't live far from here." I then asked her the following.
"What brings you and your friend to this bar, a gay bar?"
"Well we were just at a fundraising party earlier this evening on broadway and all they played was african beat music. We got bored so we came here. Do all the clubs stay open this late in vancouver?"
"Well not really. I think it just started this week. My friend read about it in the papers yesterday."
"Oh. Thats good. It's more fun when the places can stay open late." she says.
"Which clubs do you prefer to go to?" she asks me.
"Actually, I don't go clubbing that much." Hiroko is surprised. "It's only been the last while that I've been going out alot. Maybe its just the season." Maybe Hiroko is surprised since she was watching me making out with Kyoko on the couch in the club in front of everyone.
"Oh, you look like you go clubbing alot."
"What clubs do you normally like to go to?" I ask her.
"I like Au bar and Sky bar."
"I've heard of both those places but haven't actually been. Maybe we'll all have to go there once. It should be good fun."
"What do you think of here?"
"Well at first I was thinking it wasn't the best idea but now, its not so bad. I've already got my female companion here and so does my other friend. The music is good. Everyone's having fun. You don't notice the gay factor. Like in a regular club, you don't think if they are gay or straight. You just don't bother with them as you are doing your own thing with your friends."
A new song starts and a fireman starts dancing on the stripping platform.
"Did you know that guys strip on that platform about every hour?" I say to Hiroko.
"Oh really? How could you not get excited at that, well maybe not you but for me yes." Hiroko says to me. She gets up and goes closer for a better view. When she comes back, she's a bit excited and her male friend leaves to go to the washroom. Then the guy in the blue shirt whom Kyoko and I met on the dance floor came by and does the same thing. Points his finger at Kyoko, then at me and gestures the question, "is he your boyfriend? Are you two together?" This time I make it more clear to him and push him away gently.
"Yes she's with me as I hold her closely." Kyoko understands everything but is still half drunk.
"Just checkin" motions the guy. I think he's the only bisexual guy in this place. He then sits besides Hiroko and tries to talk to her up when her male friend returns. They exchange some words and the bisexual guy leaves.
A woman then comes buy seemingly normal looking and not a lesbian looking for E. No one on the two couches we occupy know of anyone selling E tonight.
We continued to sit there while I tried to keep Kyoko awake. The gay guys have been very supportive and helpful in general. I play with Kyoko's arm moving it around and look at her small hands. There is a ring on one finger where the silver is made to look like a ribbon tied in a bow loop. One small diamond is mounted off the end of a one free bow or loop. A really interesting design not like the usual kind you see.

We left the place almost at closing around four in the morning. Dieter and I survived the gay bar as I guess, we weren't cute enough. Dieter and Michiru disappear and I am left alone with Kyoko taking her back to her apartment. Driving back home to Surrey, the sun was already coming up at around five thirty.

A few hours later, Kyoko got up with a huge hangover. Her friends called and she wanted to meet up with them to watch the pride parade. It started at noon but they wanted get a good spot early at eight. I drove back to meet up with Dieter and Michiru at noon as we are not early risers. I wonder what Kyoko remembers of the evening before and of me.

Two other female friends of mine call me to see if there will be beach volleyball. They're both married but still another opportunity to just hang out with two more women. They count but not in that way. I cancelled beach volleyball ball after another person called. I was too tired after we went for lunch on robson street at a noodle shop. Walking back down to Denman street we found a shop that sold those cheap bamboo mats and found a spot in stanley park to take a nap.

A parade watcher poses with three gay people from the parade.

Late monday, I hung out with dieter again after doing some work at the nursing home again and talking to some of the people in the rental house. The charity group had held a car wash to raise money to paint the house. While back downtown, I suggested to Dieter that we go for a run around Stanley park to talk over what we had thought of our dates on saturday night. Both of us felt that nothing long term would develop. Michiru was leaving in a month to go back to Japan. Kyoko is leaving in ten months time. Neither study here and by the end if this long weekend, she had already told Dieter that she didn't see him as a long term boyfriend. Kyoko is the distant type always tending to their work or need for individuality first. She does not show her emotions all the time which gives the appearance that she does not care for the relationship I think while also choosing not to rely on anyone else but themself. That is, when they are still sober... During the run, I saw Francine. She was rollerblading with her younger sister. Yet again two more women to talk to. Francine is a new recruit on my current volleyball team and is the girlfriend of Pierre who I also recruited. This was the first time running for me and Dieter doesn't run often. We cut through lumberman's arch so that we do not have as far to go incase we run into trouble. Half way through on the back side Dieter has to walk. I keep going but not much farther I stop in a shaded area along a railing behind a blind corner. As Dieter catches up and rests, two young women stumble on their rollerblades and stop nearly in front of us. Dieter and I look at them. A crowd of other seawall goers pass between us and we discuss what moves we should make.
"Excuse me, do you know where second beach is?" asks one of them to an old couple near us.
"Sorry, you're well past it. If you turn around you'll see third beach, then second."
"Thank you." The one young woman skates off leaving her other friend who can barely stop.
Dieter hands me his cellphone knowing that I've left everything back at his condo. Just as he does this Francine and her sister show up on their rollerblades and stop to chat. The other woman finally disappears. Damn I think to myself.
"Hi Francine. How are you."
"Oh was that you Lei? I thought you were like, Chris at first but then after seeing you here now I realized it was you." She introduces me to her younger sister whom I have never met and I introduce her to Dieter.
"Here, let me call Pierre so you can say hi." as francine digs around in her bag for her cellphone and begins dialing. She hands me the phone.
"Bonjour Pierre!"
"Bonjour Lei"
"Comme ca va?"
"Eh oui, ca va."
"Lei, you need to improve your french so we can say more than just those few lines everytime we talk to each udder."
"yeah but there's no one else here I can practice with. There's too many languages for me to have to learn with the people I know. Japanese, german, french, mandarain..."
We end of talking for a long time on Francine's phone before Dieter and I finally say our good byes.
"Lei, those two girls are probably down at the beach."
When we get there we slow down our jogging pace. First at third beach, then second and near the end when we're about to give up, we see them.
"Okay Lei, it is your turn."
"Me? I just know where they are, you're the brave one who goes up to total strangers asking for their numbers."
Dieter holds out his cell phone once again.
"Go get her number."
Oh god, the pressure.
"Which one do you like Dieter? The blonde or the dark one?"
"The dark one is attractive but since you saw her first, you get her." Dieter continues to hold out his phone towards me.
"Go Lei..."
I ponder this for a while and notice four people trying to pass a volleyball to each other by bumping and setting on asphalt right beside the water. After a few bumps the ball goes into the water.
I start walking towards the woman of interest and see that she is now heading in my direction too.
"Excuse me, could I have number so that we could go out?"
"sorry, I already have a boyfriend."
She leaves. I am not heartbroken.
"She was lying" dieter says to me.
"Yeah I think you're right." Down goes the second aeroplane.

End of the double weekend.

A Fighting Fish

It's been almost ten days and he's still alive. His home is a small glass bowl with a ribbon and small glass necklace tied in the peace symbol. On the bottom is a small layer of green red rocks. I hope he doesn't die. I hope he will live as long as I can possibly keep him alive. From across the room I can see his small body wiggling smoothly in the water. His fins are like the tails of a peacock. So colourful, large and vibrant. A vibrant red like a young woman with full long hair tied in one tail behind her head, dyed like so many women do these days. Dyed like I once had my hair done and for a moment, elden sits still on the bottom of the fish bowl without movement. He does this when ever I stand in front of him close up about ready to feed him the two or three pieces of fish flakes for food. I would get really close and just stare at him. If I move to the side, he would follow always staying with me. Everyday when I come home and in the morning when I wake up, I see bubbles around the edge of the water against the glass. Elden is ready. The bubbles are a sign that he wants to mate with a female.

"Lei, I need a girlfriend" is what my friend wrote to me in his email while I was at work the other day.

Earlier that day in a conversation between him and one of his law firm partners...

"Dieter, are you going to the dinner on the 11th?"
"Oh, yes that would be nice."
"Great. And please bring your wife or girlfriend too. Oh wait, you don't have one! Any luck on that front?"
"Ummm nooo unfortunately."
"That's too bad Dieter. Everyone else will. You'd better get crackin."

Back to today... so the race is on. We're trying. He's got a few profiles at an online dating site and I've suggested another. Friday we went to a club on robson street to try our luck. Or rather his as I'm not one who believe in meeting potential relationship types in clubs. In the lineup we meet three young women from Switzerland. They just arrived the night before. One of them over hears us and I can see she is a little bit interested in talking. Dieter begins to talk to them and finds out who they are and where they came from. Then a group of young south america women and an asian man show up in the line up behind us. Of the three swiss girls, there is one woman who is quite pretty and in the group now behind us there is one that is very attractive. I recognize the young man with the women behind us as he is a friend of Jorge whom I met last year. Jorge has since returned to mexico but Min is still here now studying at UBC. One of the women is his new homestead housemates. They had three in their household before. We begin to talk with Min and the south american clan before someone in the group decides that they do not want to wait so they leave.

Dieter and I wait and go into the club. Dieter is continues to talk with the swiss girls because they can speak a different dialect of german. I would find out later that he does not particularly like that dialect because of the way it sounds. When we get in, we find our way to where the swiss girls are. The two average looking ones go dancing while the pretty one continues to stand there at a table in front of me. Dieter sees something on the floor. I watch him bend down, pick it up and put it on the table. He taps the pretty swiss girl on the shoulder as she is looking away from us at first. She turns towards him and Dieter points at two pennies sitting on the table. Up until now, the pretty girl has not spoken to Dieter, only the other two swiss girls.
"Excuse me, did you drop these two pennies?" he asks her.
She gives him a weird look and I shake my head in disappointment.
Dirk steps away and I just stare at him.
"What are you doing Dieter? It's only two pennies?!?!?"
Later on, he takes out a business card and gives it to one of the swiss girls on the dance floor. From a distance I could see the two of them try to look at the card in the limited lighting available with a puzzled expression on their faces. I don't think they are going to call him for a guided tour of vancouver.

Three Weddings but No Funeral

I sit there in front of the computer, staring at the screen. Lines in a multitude of different colours go all over the place displaying the locations of walls, roofs and other major structures of a building. I am getting sleepy. Sweat forms on my head and runs down the side of my face, dripping on my desk. A small puddle sit splayed across the surface like a malformed starfish and my clothes are soaked through. It's over thirty-five degrees outside even in the shade and with the light wind. The air conditioning in the office building can not keep up. I am doomed.

I left work friday evening, so very tired. When I got home I just laid there on my couch. The basement is much cooler but warmer than usual today. I started to doze off when the phone rang. A woman who I met at one of my beach volleyball and bbq's needed a partner for salsa night downtown. When I spoke to her I could tell she didn't seem to care that I must have sounded like I was half asleep and only half enthusiastic. I had to go back to work at the nursing home for a few hours to get stuff done before the next day's activities. I told her I'd think about it.

In New Westminster, I got most of everything done. Then I decided to drive downtown to the Law Courts and check out the Salsa dancing event there. I saw her there. Dancing with another person. She knows some methods but isn't as free and flowing as the others. Many of the people there have very good dancing figures. Thin and smooth, some very fast at spinning on the dance floor. There was an outdoor patio which you could sit at to relax while having a drink or just enjoying peoples company.

Next morning I barely got up in time. Threw my suit and shoes into the truck and drove to cakemakers shop. I was to spend the day helping her deliver three wedding cakes. The first one was down at the Westin Bayshore. A very nicely decored room and table setting in one of the large 'salon' rooms. The florist was there but no one else. We got there and set up the cake. A four layer cake with intricately laced patterns on the surface. A design indicative of the east indian culture of the bride and groom who are both east indian. Aside from the fancy decor, the cake was simple but needed some touching up due to shipping and handling.

A cakedecorators tool box.

Afterwards it was back to the shop to load up the next cake. A three platform cake with all the colours of the star bangled banner. This wedding was for some people in the african community who loved america. The hanging loops, small and medium sized stars were assembled onto the cake after it was put together. The cake didn't look so cheezy after we put it together. The wedding was the cheapest by far being in a tiny community center near Edmonds street in Burnaby. Some people were already there in what seemed to be traditional african attire. Colourful long and simple dresses complete with headwraps. Here a small girl covers her ears while watching us finish preparing the cake. The dj was busy testing his sound system cranking out some jamaican like tunes.

Last on the list was the most elaborate of the bunch. A small city of cakes with a very simple design. In the center is a three platform cake with a lighted water fountain underneath. At the sides are two separate an individual cakes propped up on their own platforms. A set of steps ran from the center three tier cake to each of the two cakes in the front.

A bridesmaid watches as I take a photo of the cake setup.

The small flowers peppered randomly on all the cakes above were installed on site. Each one is made on the end of a small toothpic and easily inserted into the cake body. This was the best cake set up of the bunch I thought. Looking down the head table where the main wedding party sat, there was another table just as elaborate in its own right on the other side. A giant chocolate fountain surrounded by various fruits and pastry to dip into the chocolate. Cakemaker and I didn't know anyone there. The wedding party was just very friendly and invited everyone involved with the day. A very religious group, the father who administered the ceremony was also there. I felt like a wedding crasher. No one there knew me but before everyone had gotten to the restaurant, a man came up to me. It was my coworker and friends father. He was there with his wife. What a coincidence and a tiny world. Apparently, the bride works at one of his pharmacies downtown so he's known her for a few years.

But besides your friends parents, what do you do at a wedding where you don't really know anyone that well? It didn't. The people at our table was really nice. I ended up with the table prize. Each table had a small round bowl with a fish inside. I now have a new pet. A fight fish as I was told by the bride to which I am most grateful for I originally thought that I would just add this fish to my mothers aquarium which would have been rather stupid. The fighting fish will attack and kill all the other fish in the tank. There can only be one.

Various members of the wedding group gave their speeches and as each person did theirs, each one began to cry starting with the groomsmen. Groomsmen number three, groomsmen number two, groomsmen number one followed by the groom himself. All the guys were in tears at the head table. The the bridesmaids did theirs. The third bridesmaid, the second, the first, then the bride. As I looked around I saw many of the other people listening crying. Cakemaker even started crying as well as another woman at our table. Change everyone's clothes to black and one would think that everyone had just come from a funeral.

Getting ready for the bouquet toss. Look at all those single women.

The table next to us was a group of asian people here just for the wedding. They were generally very conservative until the dance at the end. Halfway through one young woman ran off to the bathroom. When she came back with the help of her friend she was stumbling. Soon after she was on the dance floor. She totally let loose draping herself onto any guy that danced with her or near her. Flailing her arms about in earnest enthusiasm for whatever music was playing she had no control or strength to stand on her own two feet. Whatever self composure she showed earlier in the evening was totally lost. A little too much champagne and wine for her I think. Have a safe trip back to Japan.

Music selection wasn't bad. It felt like being at a club without the cover charge and maybe a little less people. The day didn't seem to be to filled with stuff but it did prove to be a bit stressful at times. With the searing heat outside we didn't want to ruin the cakes. One of the cakes cracked but it didn't matter as it wasn't the part being presented at the table but rather just more eating material for a larger group of eaters. Driving to each destination I worried that something would happen and the cakes would be damaged. Then there's the question of whether or not the damaged parts could be repaired on site with the cake decorators kit and spare icing, flowers and fillers which we brought along to each site all over vancouver.

Tomorrow its back fighting the sun, thirty degrees plus. I need to look for some fish food.

Monday Night

My friend the chef just moved into a condo downtown. Four of us showed up to celebrate which included cakemaker, the bread baker, the chef and myself the bum. This is like the end of our little vacation as two of us is starting new jobs while those that already have jobs continue on. I brought the bottle of baby duck champagne which had been sitting in my fridge for two years to celebrate the new place. Afterwards we went to the Granville Room for some food. The Yam fries were good. So was the salmon. The lamb chops was bland and tasteless with some kind of cooked mango chunks on the side. Lounge food at its worst. The place started filling up around 10pm which was a surprise being a monday night. What was more surprising was going to the Roxy afterwards just across the street. At first it was only half full. No cover charge and people were steadily filing in until around midnight when the live band got up on stage. It was great. A cool selection of new and old cover tunes spanning from rock to mainstream pop. They played U2, Outkast, Green Day, Cold Play, Nirvana, Rolling Stones, Paul Simon, Bon Jovi, Red Hot Chili Peppers and more. Even some country tunes which I didn't recognize except for the lone Johnny Cash tune, ring of fire. Everyone there was having fun and the chef wanted to get wasted. He did and in the end, he threw up in the main entrance to his new place on Seymour street as well as the large plant pot along the sidewalk. Cakemaker danced the whole night while I watched the belongings and had the open bar tab. BreadBaker drank and played pool.

The place is nice but we noticed a few things; The Penthouse stripclub is situated just across the street down the block, Madame Cleo's massage parlour is also just down the block, Some street bums hang out in a doorway on the opposite corner of the intersection and hookers parade in front of the the building right at the corner of the block. I suppose the Chef could just rent out the rooms in his new condo by the hour.

I went to sleep at 6am the following morning. Conversely and totally unrelated to the evening events, I found out another friend of mine got up at the same time I was retiring.

Three and a half hours later the door bell rang. It was the census surveyor guy. I had failed to fill mine out so now the government has sent someone out to hunt me down. I gave him my partially filled out forms for him to look at while I stood at the door in my sleeping attire. He gave his immediate disappointment in the state of my sheets. So together we went through all the questions. Or rather, I answered a few key questions before he started to approximate half the answers based on his previous experience of filling out the forms for however many other local civilians who had attempted to go AWOL from society such as myself.
"What is the value of your home?"
"ummmm I'm not sure."
"five hundred and..."
"...twenty thousand and..."
"or fifty thousand?"
As he mouthed out the first few numbers, I'd follow with some other numbers to finish off his sentence and come out with one final number together. It was like yeah, that was it. That's the ticket.
"What's the monthly mortgage?"
"I don't know..."
"one thousan..."
"and five hundred?"
"Yeah, most of these houses around here are about that" he reassured me. I gave him a puzzled look and he replies "don't worry. These answers do not have to be that specific."
When we finally finished the forms, I thanked him and sent him on to the next house. Then I went back to sleep.

The Battle Continues

Paintball was a success last weekend. We managed to get thirty people out to shoot each other all saturday afternoon. In one of the last battles, my beloved volleyball girl was right in there shooting it out in a game of capture the flag. I was also one of the last few out of that game too. She was so frustrated though. She really wanted to find the flag. Unfortunately, she was outnumbered three to one with her being the last person on our side still fighting. Her other friend had problems with her gun so I helped unjam her gun a few times too. Then the two of them let loose and unloaded what they had left of their ammunition on an obstacle in one of the paintball fields. No one was screaming.

I got a bit sick because my face mask was too tight around my head. The strap was gimped and non-adjustable. By the second war game I was feeling like my life was being sucked out of me. So why didn't I just go and get another mask? Because I am an idiot.

Things didn't go as well with volleyball girl later on that day especially after my friend started sticking his nose into our relationship. He asked her what she thought of me and she told him that she didn't sense anything between us. As Gambit says, a big dagger to the heart. My friend got shot in the adam's apple that day during paintball too. I didn't shoot him but someone did. When I look back at this, it seems appropriate. The universe works in mysterious ways. That's for meddling in other people's relationships.

So I had a long chat with volleyball girl and I think things are ok again. There was a little bit of misunderstanding which I knew my nosy friend would not understand. He's a bit short sighted. However I'm still worried or skeptical of anything happening at all now. Maybe I've blown it still. God I hate second guessing everything.

The next few days I didn't feel like doing much other than work being somewhat depressed and a bit nauscious in the head at the same time. My friends convinced me to watch Nacho Libre. It has its funny moments but I actually dozed off through sections of the movie.

On thursday I threw another beach bbq giving people only one to three days notice. A couple friends had out of town guests so they brought them out. We had a spot at Spanish Banks Beach and set up two volleyball courts in the sand. The turn out was good at around twenty four people for the first of what will be many days and evenings at this beach. Not sure exactly how much will continue to come out regularly though. For food, I conjured up a whole whack of spicy chicken shiskebobs, smokies and caesar salad. The new shiny stainless portable bbq has been great. Good enough to feed the size of group I had out that evening.

This is the start of what I hope will be our summer beach volleyball series. Twice a week every thursday evening and sunday afternoon now through August so long as the weather is hot and sunny.

Hockey was a battle this evening. A big loss against BLG, a law firm who has a number of really good players. We didn't have enough forwards to match their speed and our defense kept getting caught on odd man rushes. This was even after one of our players noticed that the good players on their team weren't hogging the puck all the time since they had so many. They actually passed the puck to their much weaker female players too. However their weaker female players were never around on their rushes because they were too slow to get into the play. I felt weak out there on the ice this time. Too much running around on the ice and not being a hundred percent healthy during the week. My layoff from hockey has been too long.

Wilson and I

Your heart is like a cars engine. It doesn't matter how fast it beats, it won't last any longer. You'll eventually reach the end so take more breaks.

I'm on my island. There's just Wilson and I. Monday I played indoor volleyball at the rec centre. Wednesday I played beach volleyball with my team. Thursday I had a challenge match between my beach team and my fall indoor team. Friday I went to the urban beach train and play for volleyball. I used to never play volleyball nore am I any good. But now I am practically playing it full time.

After the train n play on friday, the urban beach staff had a get together at a restaurant nearby. Alot of people went and it was great socializing with the bunch but soon after, I started to feel sick. I wonder if it's a blood sugar thing as I had gotten up late and didn't eat properly that day. Next day I was feeling almost good enough that I went to work at the nursing home before joining some friends to see MI-3. Great movie. I recommend it for those who haven't seen it.

For mothers day we had dim sum where my fellow siblings presented another piece of the Swarovski chinese zodiac collection to my mother. We're halfway there and the other half of the collection sits in my room. One by one we release a piece as a special occasion comes up requiring gifts of any kind.

My sleeping habits are getting worse. During the week I've been staying up really late playing around with Dreamweaver and Photoshop. Then getting a bit sick hasn't helped causing me to sleep in late more. I need to break out of this pattern. My head still feels off.

Where did the ground go?

*revised*

A couple of unexpected things happened with volleyball girl which I had temporarily recruited for my beach volleyball team. After the initial rejection, I found out that she had problems with her english classes. I ended up helping her with her schooling as she decided to write an essay for me to mark up. Then the other day, I also happened to see her standing at a bus stop along marine drive just by coincidence. So after a week or so, we finally agreed to meet early before monday night volleyball so that we could discuss how she did on her essay.

She came and I went through all the errors with her. It wasn't all that bad I think but still, there was quite a few. She was disappointed but knew she had problems. As the court time approached, she said that she was really tired from doing stuff with her friends. They had spent the afternoon at the wharf in richmond.

Standing there she looked so lovely. I wished I could have just kissed her right there but she was leaving. Originally she had agreed to play volleyball the other evening after our short english tutoring session. However, she told me that she was really tired so I opened my big mouth and suggested that maybe she shouldn't play. She jumped on that and I was forced to watch her go.

That evening I sent her an ecard expressing my feelings for her expecting the same response as the last time I did the same. And that's exactly what I got. I knew it would happen but I don't regret doing it. That's just the way I felt and I wanted to let her know - strike two. So where did the ground go?

The ship is sinking and I don't have a life jacket. Thank god I know how to swim. So I will swim back to the island and back to an island I will go. This weekend its off to vancouver island with a couple of friends. Woohoo... On another note, I also found out through the grapevine that I will become an uncle soon. September I believe. Hmmm, uncle Lei...

Right now I have a humungous headache. The kind I used to get every so often a year or so ago. I wish it would go away.

The Island Up There

Not a soul around for days, the cold sun beats down on the rough white sand. Beautiful tropical trees surround me as I stare out at the horizon of endless waves. Hours, days and months have passed. To the point where I cannot tell the difference between one that is more significant than another. Not one soul has been seen for an eternity.

------------------------------------------------------------------

We had the first session of beach volleyball today. Despite the cold weather, it was pretty good. The blue tent where the league officials organized everything. The courts all set up down the beach side by side. All fifteen of them at Spanish Banks. What a lovely site and all the people who have come to play. This is so much better than the outdoor grass volleyball leagues of the past. I love the setting. To be out their on the sand with the occasional log to rest on, the water nearby. I just love it.

I organized my first ever team of any kind and everything has started off with only a minor hitch. The young female recruit from bonsor dropped out due to problems with her school. In her place is one of the other female part timers. An interesting young woman. Another member of the SFU lab rats as are four other members of the team. I also recruited a tall german doing a law internship for about a year here in vancouver. His height and skill will be to our advantage.

The sand was really cold though. Filled with many small rocks, most people either wore their runners or played in their socks. Cal tore a hole in his sock somehow and the tall german ripped both of his pant legs diving for balls in the sand.

Filling the team has been surprisingly easy as the more people I talk to about it, the more I find want to play. For a moment I had almost thought about setting up another team. Whatever the case, please god, just give us warm sunny weather to play in!

It's been almost a year since I left my job and I'm starting to feel like I don't want to just sit around and do nothing anymore. The couch has too much of a dent in it and laziness does no good. It might be time to leave the safe confines of the snowy mountain slopes and delve back into civilization amongst all the other worker bees. In my mind, I can go back to that place up on the mountain slopes without having to really go there. For me, it will always be there.

The new web development class at the photography school is slowly chugging along. The base computer skills of everyone is kind of all over the place so the teacher has to teach at a very slow pace. He tried a new approach with our class on tuesday which seemed to be more effective. Apparently his other class of full time students had a lot of trouble learning what we were taught. At the end of this course, I hope to have a new website up. It will become my own personal web gallery. Admission will be free.

I just want you to be happy

"I can't do this. I'm sorry but I don't think we can go out on friday. After the talk on monday and yesterday... do you understand?" she said. "When you first asked me, I was surprised and didn't know what to say. But after thinking about it, I think we are not really on the same page... I still need time to get over my last boyfriend."

That wasn't what I wanted to hear but at the same time, I knew she might say that and I can't even begin to describe the pain inside.

All hopes of having a serious relationship with her has now evaporated into thin air. In the end, all I had to say was, "I just want you to be happy."

Into the hole I slowly fall down, my limbs grow weak and my blood is still. It flows no more through the veins in my body. The damp cold air can not be felt, I am alone and forever falling into my soul.

The hair waivers, clothes flutter, there is no beat, no rhythm no rhyme or sound.

Sayonara...

Help I've Fallen and I can't get up!

Another monday, another week has begun. Had dim sum with the cakemaker and the baker on sunday at a place called Golden Phoenix. I didn't know where it was so I googled it and what came up was a link with a personal review of the place. They quoted staff as saying to them that "hey, the food is cheap, so the service is too. What do you expect?"

Needless to say it was correct. The food was alright and one of the cheapest dim sums in town. $1.90 per dish I think it was plus if you have a VIP card, you'd get another ten percent off.

Earlier last week while working away at home, I got a call from thte cakemaker asking for help. Her sister was on the floor experiencing alot of pain and couldn't get up. No one else was around so she just called anyone she could think of and I was one of them. I almost made it there to their small catering shop when I noticed a message saying that her relative had just arrived to take the sister to the clinic. She's pregnant. I was kind of relieved. On the way over, I started wondering how in the world was I going to lift her up with my one wrist being injured and all (snowboarding injury). It didn't matter at that point. After turning around to head back home, I decided to turn around and go back. Standard protocal for ambulances and emergency services to all arrive at the scene in case backup is needed right? I went there and the shops was empty.

The indoor volleyball league wrapped up last week. All we needed to do was win two games and we'd get third place overall in the lowest division. Unfortunately we crumbled at the words of our first opponent which was "you guys are gonna win." We got jinxed.

Registration for the beach volleyball league is coming along. Still waiting for people to get back to me and confirm. Remarkably, the team is quite different than what I had expected as there looks to be many new faces. Plus a lot of newbies to the sport I think so this should be interesting. Beginners volleyball all over again. My fingers are crossed for decent weather by the end of this month and beautiful sunsets after each and every game.

One of the new recruits is a very attractive young woman I just met today at Bonsor drop-in volleyball. A japanese foreign exchange student who was looking for a team to play with. So as luck would have it, we were short one or two players.

So while Tsubame leaves Canada to live in Japan, someone else enters my life in the opposite direction. Maybe this will give me more incentive to actually crack open the "japanese for everyone" exercise books which Tsubame left for me sooner than I had expected.

"Chiemi-chan. Yoroshiku!"

The SFU mandarine class department called me today asking if I would like to preregister for the next session of the conversational mandarin class. I turned them down because tomorrow the web photo class at Focal Point was starting on the same evening. With this next session covering the last few chapters in the text book, it doesn't look like I will be able to finish it in class. However, this might give me a chance to start taking photos again.

Congradulations Patrick!

I can't think straight. I feel weak. My body aches all over. I'm sick. Friday night I played hockey. I also went with Ms. RazzleDazzle to a house gathering/party before and after the game. Nice people. Strange thing though. Apparently, all the guys there liked to sing karaoke while the women stood around talking about sex. kinda sounds backwards to me.

Saturday I went with some folks to Sun Sui Wah in richmond. There was no occasion. We just wanted to eat as we had the $438 set menu for ten people. The head waiter or 'captain' gave us his business card. Not sure why other than the fact that the brother of one in our group supplies chicken and other birds to this restaurant. However, the service was horrible. Plus we had to wait despite having reservations. During the dinner, we noticed that a third of the restaurant was partitioned off for what appeared to be a wedding group. You could hear some of the speeches over the wall on our side. I first caught a glimps of the groom. He was wearing one of those traditional chinese jackets in shiny red. The bride was wearing a matching form fitting full length chinese dress. Only thing was that the groom was white. As he looked to the side I recognized him. Patrick!

I had the waiter serve a double shot of Henessy and relay the message saying that it was from Lei. At this point he didn't know that I was in the restaurant. Soon after, he came over and he was pleasantly surprised. He brought me back to his group and introduced me to his wife plus to say hi to some of his friends which I have met before. Small world again as one of my sister's friends was in the wedding dinner.

Now back to me being sick. No volleyball for me. Tonight its monday night tv. The bachelor finale!

A brief Introduction

The mountain is my retreat. Where I can be at peace and alone. There are no sounds of civilization and technology. Just the cold wind against my face. My eyes shielded with a lense. I can not begin to describe what it is like to feel weightless for that second or two. Floating through the air and nothing but a whisper. Pure in all its form it is unbelievable amidst all those tiny crystals everywhere. Each one perfectly preserved before melting from the heat eminating from my body. My mind is free. This is the way it should be.

----------------------------------------

Today I received an email from my friend with a photo of the blind date. There was a small write up about herself and I was asked to do the same like some sort of application form. To be more precise, I was forced to write something or else my two friends said that they would write one for me. Who knows how that would turn out.

As is the case, all info is being passed through at least two, sometimes three other people between the blind date and myself and goes as follows in reverse chronological order.

Note, all names have been concealed to embarass and humiliate only myself and no other.

--- Lei wrote:

Ok. Why do I feel like I'm on one of those life network dating shows.

Anyways, hmmm yeah I guess I am kinda geeky. I think some comics are kinda cool but don't read them anymore on the door steps of strangers homes after I stopped delivering the Vancouver Sun. Ugh, hated lugging around those weekend editions or when Sears came out with the new catalogues.

I think you'll be pleased to know that my Playstation II console is dead and I only have five or so games. Been meaning to get back into a newer game console but haven't been able to muster enough enthusiasm to spend 10+hrs a day playing games like I used to. The console was used more for watching dvd's.

I played many instruments in the past but would be rather rusty these days having been out of practice for so long (old and decrepit fingers). Yes, maybe we can play a duet or you can accompany me on my violin. Sarasate's Carmen's Fantasy or Zigeunerweisen? Paginni? Chopin? Lost the choir boy voice after hitting puberty. Sorry. All of the above might be cruel punishment for any one willing to listen.

I like to try various things, food and travel included. Maybe family orientated mostly around the holidays. Never thought about that too seriously to be honest. Listen to all types of music. Heavy metal included whenever I get an inkling for distortion. Don't worry, it only happens once every few years. And loud too! Metallica is good yes?

Like watching many kinds of movies. What would be an example of the weird ones?

Please find attached a photo of myself. And for clarification purposes only, that's me on the right.

Lei

(Note: Some of you may remember this picture from an old blog entry back on Oct. 2004)

--- Roni wrote:

> I'm so excited!!!! lets set this up.
>
> Lei she's very cute. see attached.
>
> Ro - this could work.. they could play music
> together!!
>
> Lei - give me a summary of yourself.. don't make me
> and Ro have to write one for you! oh. and a photo!
>
> -----Original Message-----
>
> From: Blind date
> Sent: February 3, 2006 12:57 PM
> To: Roni's friend and friend of blind date
> Subject: RE: Lei
>
> Hey 'Roni's friend',
>
> OH jeez... a summary of myself. Ok...
>
> Interests - I like to try new things (food or
> activities), I can play the piano (although not as
> good now that I haven't practiced in a while) and
> love singing, I am quite family-oriented and spend
> time with them, I like to watch movies (any types
> and especially the "weird" ones that girls probably
> don't watch, haha), I listen to all types of music
> but no heavy-metal, I like to travel and wish I
> could do more of that, will be going to NYC in
> April! How is that?
>
> So now do I get a summary of Lei too? Hee hee :)
> Thanks, 'Roni's friend'
>
> PS. Is Lei a "geeky" (well, smart but has a love
> for comics and video-games) guy? I seem to attract
> those!
>
> _____________________________________________
> From: Roni's Friend
> Sent: February 3, 2006 11:09 AM
> To: Blind Date
> Subject: Lei
>
> My friend Roni wants more information about you
> to relay to her friend Lei. Give me a quick summary
> (interests). Thanks.

Multiple Leaps of Faith

And practicing over and over again. Strange how things happen. No sooner did I repel a second attempt by a former ex-gf to come back and take my life has a whole bunch of opportunities appeared. On one trip last week, Roni invited one of her friends to come with us. There was five of us in total. When we got to the top of one chairlift, she bolted saying that she wanted to board alone on a run which none of us wanted to go on. So Roni being the good friend, left us to board with her friend in the beginning while we roamed the rest of the mountain. We agreed to meet for lunch later which is when we found out that Roni's friend still ditched her on the mountain. The previous week Roni's friend was going to head up with us. She showed up bright and early at the meeting place only to say that she wasn't going to make it. Apparently, her roommate decided to have a small party so she stayed up late the night before.

Despite this, it appears Roni's friend is interested in seeing me as well as one of her other friends. I decided to go for the blind date for once. This to satisfy my curiosity as well as peer pressure from friends. I must be asking for it I think. Trouble that is.

Then there's good ol Calvin in my badminton group. He's forever introducing me to girls. Unfortunately, I'm one of those in the camp that doesn't believe in friends setting them up on dates. I met one of them last week in a group outing for chinese new years. After dinner with the family, a small bunch of us went to the PNE for the lunar new year festivities. We had chatted for a bit the previous evening before Calvin sureptitiously set us up. It went alright. Not sure what will happen now but I don't see anything happening.

Meanwhile, I've been exchanging messages with some woman who found me online. It's been some fun bantering going back and forth. To be continued...

For now, I'm content with my whistler pass having been up there three times in the past few weeks. I'm making progress in the terrain park on the big jumps. Gotta work on the fear thing. Gotta just carry that speed into the jump and go for it. I've found that slowing down and trying to be cautious on the medium sized table tops and large matter horn shaped jumps is not the way to go. This is all I did yesterday up at whistler alone just trying all the jumps in the Nintendo terrain park and skipping all the other runs. The half pipe was closed unfortunately. They were rebuilding it in preparation for the ski/snowboard festival coming up.

At the same time, I met a real estate agent on the chairlift that also tried to set me up with the president of some company. He was meeting the agent to talk about a property and the agent, knowing that I had left my day job tried to help me out with a bit of networking.

A Last Supper

I look up at the clock and it says that its half past six. The rack of lamb will soon be done. It came in a package with a suggested serving for four. Tonight, it will be for one. Smeared with a coating of bread crumbs, melted butter and spices, the lamb came out perfect the first time. I was surprised and pleased at the same time. Once the main course had disappeared, I served myself a large helping of Breyers Neopolitan Ice Cream. I continued to eat always mindful of the clock. The combination of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry was wonderful going back for a second heaping of the cool mound of ice cream. Then it happened. The second hand on the clock moved into position and all cutlery dropped and eating ceased. It was eight thirty and the fast had begun.

Twelve hours later early next morning, I find myself sitting in a waiting room. This bodes well for my current and only new years resolution which is to go to sleep earlier and get up earlier. My stomach had started to make noises. It wanted me to feed it but I wouldn't give in. I browsed through last summers issue of Business Week magazine which featured the top five hundred stocks of last year. In the various lists I found most of the stocks that I had were noted for being good performers.

After about forty minutes, I was lead into a room and told to lie down on the table. The nurse left for a moment and as I lay there, I noticed a piece of paper taped to the wall which the bed was against on my left. "Gender determination of babies will not be given. Not even a hint." Too bad for all the would be mothers who come in here. The woman returned and sat beside me. She grabbed a large tube and squeezed a small heap of lubricant onto my stomach.
"So, what are we looking for? Are you having any problems?" she asked.
"Well, I used to have some pain and discomfort around my liver and right side. That is gone but now I have some small pain in the upper abdomen and left side."
With a emitter/receiver in her hand, she spent the next fifteen minutes sliding the device all over my abdoment smearing the lubricant everywhere.
"Take a deep breathe...and hold it... good. Now exhale."
"Breathe normally... another deep breathe, hold it... good."
This went on as she recorded frozen stills. Some would be marked with a dimension and others with the name of the organ. Kidney and liver being two which I happened to noticed.
"Do you see anything?"
"No. Your liver looks good."
I didn't expect to see anything. They never find anything even in the past when I had much more problems.
"Turn over on your side."
I turned over and she pressed the device into my kidney area. It burned a little. It was as though she was pressing right on a ligament or a tight muscle.

"Death is the Adventure" - revised

Blood flows through the arteries and veins. From one side to the other. Valves open and close. Muscles expand and contract. Together everything works together to form the engine of your body. We breath to take in oxygen which is passed through the system. Pushed and pulled, it's in the heart.

The will to survive is strong. The strength to sustain oneself is not only physical but emotional and mental built up by our interactions with others in some form or another or an experience with something(s). To want life. To want something or someone. The center of everything is. It's in the heart.

I have resumed my collection of movies that I want again. For now it is a bit pathetic but there are a few on the list already. First off, I bought Sea Biscuit. A wonderful story and movie in all. I first was reminded of this movie by a former boss of mine as he had taken a liking to it. With the famed car salesman losing his son and wife, I can see why. After a little bit of a fact finding mission, I happened to come across an article about my former boss. It was about how he had lost his son in a foreign country while travelling. He himself flew back and tried to look also but came away empty handed. I was sorry to read that article and spoke with him about the incident. Today we remain in contact still. I received an Apple icard from him.

I read in the news yesterday that a young korean man left his job to play video games. He planted himself in front of a computer for three days straight at some internet gaming place. There was even a small sleeping arrangement set up for him. He died because of a heart attack.

Death is an adventure but one that may be too soon for some. So while I attempt to expand my DVD collection, maybe I'll hold off on the PS2. For the rest of us, it's in the heart.

The Next Day

"Uh huh... that's good... I just wanted to know if the new hot water tank was installed yet. Thank you Margaret..." I hung up the phone. I sat back and looked at my computer screen. Last wednesday I stopped by the nursing home late at night and while I was there and walking by the boiler room, I decided to take a look at the hot water tank. Upon first inspection, I noticed that the access panel to the pilot light was barely hanging on by one hook. The other side was corroded and had fallen apart. The tank still worked but the outer structure didn't look good. The next day, the company that performs the annual heater service happened to be by and noticed the same thing. When the report was relayed to me, it came as no surprise. We needed a new tank. We upgraded to fifty gallon tank from the original forty gallon tank. Apparently, sixty gallon tanks are no longer being made.

The event from the other evening with the girl was still on my mind. I didn't get the officers name or card but still needed a way to get the purse back. So I searched for the surrey police department's non-emergency phone number. A woman answered and gave me everything that I needed. The officers name, a file number as well as other information concerning the two girls foster home and parents.

I made another call to the foster home where a man answered.
"Hello, is this the foster home of Kim and Jade?"
"Yes... How can I help you?"
"Yesterday evening Jade had gotten herself into some trouble and came to my house for help."
"Ahh yes. I'm sorry about what happened."
"Well after they left, I went out and found Jade's purse. So I just wanted to return it to her."
"Are you sure its hers?"
"I can't say for sure as there was no id inside. Just the other usual stuff girls carry in their purse."
"It might be Kim's. I'll let them know when they come back home today. If they're out in the evening, they sometimes call back to let us know where they are."
"I can give you my number. I can also drop it off at your place."
There's a pause on the phone before the man continues. "I can't give you the address right away because this is a foster home but I'll give her your number and let her know later on this evening. Plus, I don't know if you're ever in this area. Where are you located?"
"I'm in North Surrey. I do come down to your neck of the woods on occasion. I have a friend down there that I visit sometimes."
"Alright. I was just wondering, so what did Jade tell you happened?" he asked me. I gave him a quick summary of the events of the evening to which he agreed was told him before we both hung up.

As I sat there, my mother came back downstairs.
"I don't want you to let that girl back in if she comes back again"
"Huh? Why?"
"She was just here."
"What? She was just here and you shooed her away?" I was rather disappointed with my mother.
"I told her to go away. Don't let her back in. She's trouble." She walked away before returning.
"I saw on the news about some teenager who went to some mans house. He let her in and she later went to the police to say that the man assaulted her. That girl last night is evil."
Oh brother. This is just stupid having to deal with my mother's way of thinking. It's as if I was going out with a woman that my mother hated or something. It's just like the movie "WaterBoy" which was just on the other evening. In it, Adam Sandler's mother does the exact same thing to him because of the girl that he's trying to go out with or vice versa. Except that I'm not trying to go out with this fifteen year old girl who just came out of nowhere.

The narrowminded and selfish ways of my mother didn't matter though. A few minutes later the phone rings.
"Hello?"
"Hi. This is the foster home of Jade and Kim."
"Yes, I recognize your voice."
"I was thinking and decided that I should just give you our address. You're rather far from our area and I don't know if Jade will get out there again."
"Well actually, she was just here. The problem is that I didn't know that she was. My mother just turned her away without telling me."
"Oh. I'm sorry. We'll make sure she doesn't bother you again. We can also give you her social workers office address because it's closer to you."
"Please don't feel that Jade can't come to our house if she needs help for anything. Contrary to my mothers view, I don't mind at all. If she's going to come out here again, just make sure she sets up a time by calling me so that I will know when she will come around again."
"That's ok. Here's our address and the social workers address...."

I went ice skating the next day with Ro, Marty and Claudia. Burnaby 8 rinks had a public Xmas skate in the morning.

Claudia is Ro's niece and didn't know how to skate. When I got there, she was hunched over with one of those metal cages to hold onto. She just fell all over the place. Ro didn't know what to teach her as she herself never learned how to skate formally. I also need to teach Ro her how to skate backwards. Here, Ro zooms by.

Marty can barely skate forwards by himself. So that left me to become the teacher. Here Claudia attempts to stand still at right while Ro looks on.

I didn't know this but these days, they have figure skates with molded plastic boots such as the blue one's which Claudia is wearing. One buckle and your set to go. By the end, Claudia could sort of scratch herself across the ice without needing something or someone to hang onto.

I went to badminton this evening. Everything was going smooth until the very end when the gym was about to shut down. My playing partner took a swing and hit me in the face. He's a younger fella and wasn't very good. Now I'm sporting a cut across my nose. In all the years I've played ice hockey, I've never had any facial or head injuries as I've had in these couple of months since I've taken up the simple sport of badminton. I look like I got into a hockey fight.

Angels

My dinner is cold. The sauce has turned to a gel and I need to nuke it in the microwave.

A half an hour ago...

*knock knock knock*

*knock knock*

It's 11:09pm on a sunday night. I bet it's the tenants next door wanting something. The knock sounded kind of heavy like that of a man. When I finally made my way from my desk to the front door, the knocking had stopped. Through the peep hole I could see no one so I opened the door still expecting one of them to be standing off to the side or something. Instead, there was no one. I stepped out, looked around and saw a young woman climbing in the half snow covered bushes. They acted as a barrier between the neighborhood street and the train tracks.
I called out "Hello... Hello?"
The young woman turned around and came back.
"Please help me. Please help me." *sob sob*
"Whats the matter? What's going on?" I asked her. "Where did you come from?"
"You have to help me! My friend is back there on the train tracks. This guy named David cut her throat. He tried to get us to take cocaine but I didn't want to. Kim just told me to run so I ran." She stumbled forward putting both hands on my shoulders almost collapsing. Her hands were wet. My white t-shirt was now all damp and stained from her. She was completely soaked from head to toe. Who knows how long she had been messing around outside in the cold wet rain and snow.
I put my winter jacket on and started collecting some items, my cell phone, gloves, my work shoes.
"Come on. Let's go out and try to find your friend." The girl was sobbing pretty much the whole time and was drunk. They had been drinking and now she stumbled around just inside the front doors of the house. I didn't fully realize how drunk she was until she went to stand by the end of the staircase and dropped down on the pile of items which my mother had left on the floor. I pulled her up and sat her down on the stairs before leaving her to collect my keys in a room nearby.
"Hey you. Please don't leave me. Come back." I returned having almost everything that I needed.
"It's ok. I'm not going to leave you. Everythings going to be alright." The flashlight was in my truck so I quickly went out to get it. Through the open front door she cried out for me again.
"Please help me. Don't leave me here. He's out there and he might hurt you!" I didn't really care if the guy was out there or not. I just felt that I had to do something. I came back in and sat beside her on the bottom of the stairs. She continued to cry and started telling me about her mother and everything that happened.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked.
"No. I have no children."
"Do you have a wife?"
"No. I'm single right now."
"My mother and I argue alot and she kicked me out of the house."
"Where do you live?" I asked her.
"I live in Washington, Saltan."
I was shocked. How did she get up here then and where is she supposed to be staying at? I dialled 911.
"Emergency, how can I help you?" said the voice on the phone.
"Hello, a young girl came to my house in a very distraught state. She's" I got cut off.
"Who do you need? The police or an ambulance?"
"I need the police."
"Thank you." I was put on hold. A few moments go by before I hear a voice again.
"Hello. New Westminster Detachment."
"Hi. I have a girl here in an extremely distraught state. She says that her friends throat has just been slashed."
"What is your location?"
"#####... Surrey"
"Hold on a minute sir." The line paused again but longer than before. Now I'm thinking, great, nice response for an emergency service. A girl could very well be bleeding to death and I'm on hold and being transferred for the second time.
"Hello. Surrey Police. What is the nature of your call?"
Once again. "I have a young girl here who came to my house. She claims that her friend had her throat cut open and is lying on the train tracks nearby."
"Is she still there with you now?"
"Yes. She is."
"What is her name?"
"Would you like to talk to her officer?" I gave the phone to the girl. As she talked to the officer, I found out her name was Jade. Born in 1990, she was only fifteen years old. Her long and wavy dark brown hair was damp and she was a bit thin. The light rain and snow had gotten her eye makeup wet making her eyes look sunken in against her white skin. She had an Avril Lavigne look. After answering multiple questions on the phone with the officer, she handed the phone back to me at their request.
"Sir, we are on our way there. Can you keep her there until we arrive?"
"Yes I can."
"Please stay with her." So there we sat. Occasionally she would lose her balance and fall over sideways all the while continuing to cry and talk about her situation.
"I'm so sorry. I never want to be drunk again. Is Kim alright?"
"Is that your friends name? Kim? The one who you said was cut on the throat by the guy?"
"Yes"
"How many of you were there?"
"Just my friend Kim and I and the black guy called David. I hate him. My friends said that they had a bad feeling about us going with David."
"Sometimes you have to go with your gut feelings or intuition Jade. Learn to trust it."
"I never want to get drunk again." Jade continues to sob away, huddled in my arms. I remember when my brother told me about his male psychiatric nursing school. About how they were trained to talk to patients who were very agitated, sometimes angry or even a bit out of control. I needed to keep her talking to try to calm her down.
"How long have you been in Canada?"
"My mother and I argued alot so she kicked me out."
"Where's your father?"
"I've only known my father in the last two years..." She mumbled a bunch of other stuff which I couldn't understand.
"Where do you live now? Did you and your friend just hitch hike up here today from washington?"
"I live in a foster home in White Rock. My mother doesn't want me. Oh I hope my friend Kim is alright. She's on the train tracks dying probably. I wish I was dead." Jade started to bang her head on the handrails.
"My purse is out there still! I lost my purse."
"Can you show me where your friend was on the railway?"
"No. I don't know where it is."
"How about the purse? Do you know where that is?"
"No. I don't know where anything is."
"What were you doing here in this part of the neighborhood?"
"This black guy named David picked us up at Surrey Central. We had all been drinking and he asked us to go with him."
"How old is he?"
"He's fifteen."
"Where does your friend Kim live?"
"She lives in the foster home with me."
"How old is she?"
"She's a couple years older than me."
"So what were you two doing in Surrey?"
"We came down to party with some friends. We thought it would be fun. This David guy tried to make us take cocaine but I didn't want to. I was already more drunk than Kim. David was drunk too and now look how everything turned out. Oh I hope I die!"

I held her head against my shoulders and one of her hands in mine.
"Don't worry. You're safe here now." Just then my phone started ringing.
"Hello sir. Is this Mr. Lei?"
"Yes."
"We want to inform you that a young woman was just picked up at a Shell gas station near you. She has a cut on her head. We believe this girl is the other member of this party but want to make sure. Do you know where it is?"
"Yes I do. Thats just a couple of blocks away from my house."
"It sounds like she's the one."
"Thats great. So she's fine then? She's not seriously injured or anything life threatening?"
"No. Please continue to keep the other girl there at your house until we arrive."
"Thank you. Will do."
I closed my cellular phone and immediately told the good news to Jade.
"Jade. The police have just found your friend at the Shell gas station nearby. She's ok."
"Is she going to survive?"
"She made it there on her own two feet and only has a cut on her head. She's going to be fine."
The crying didn't stop but she was happier now.
"Oh thank you. You saved me! You saved me! Thank you. You saved me!"
"It's alright Jade. All I did was make a phone call. Everything is going to be fine now. Your friend is safe and so are you."
In her half drunken state, this conversation repeated itself more than once. She kept falling back into the thought that her friend was dead and that her mother didn't want her anymore. And all I could do was hold her and tell her that everything was going to be fine over and over again.

The sound of a car pulled into the driveway. It was my mother. She opened the door and saw the two of us sitting together at the bottom of the stairs.
"Who's this?" my mother asked.
"She came to our house asking for help. Her friend was attacked on the train tracks by someone."
"Jade, this is my mother." I asked my mother to get a large towel and come back to watch Jade. I still wanted to go out to the railway.
A few minutes later two police cruisers showed up. As I saw this through the distorted glass on the front door, I thought it was weird that it should be happening at all. When I had come home earlier in the evening, there were two police cruisers in front of the house already. I did not know why they were there the first time and my first thought was that maybe there was a disturbance from the house which I have rented out to an addiction rehabilitation sosciety. I opened the door and two officers were there.
"Hi. Are you Mr. Lei?"
"Yes. The girl is right here." I pulled up Jade to get her on her own two feet and brought her to the door.
"She can't walk very well. She's a bit intoxicated."
The tall thin officer looked at her. "Oh she can walk just fine." I sensed that the officer may not have had much sympathy for the girl.

I watched the cruisers sit outside for a while before finally leaving. I wondered if they would look for the girls purse and my gut feeling was that they wouldn't. I got my flashlight out and put on my jacket.
"Are you going out?" my mother asked hearing the noise I was making at the door.
"Yes."
"Where are you going?"
"I'm just going out to have a look."

Outside, I found the footsteps from her small sneakers in the snow. They lead from the doorway across the lawn and onward to the other side of the street where I first saw her. There they ended in the bushes. Twenty feet to the left is a dirt path which leads to the railway. It was only partially covered in snow. I walked on the short trail and soon found the familiar footprints coming down from the train tracks and into a small clearing in the bushes. There they ended and seemed to go nowhere. Back up on the railway, I found the foot steps and two others which seemed to follow hers. But these were also mixed up with some other older looking footprints. Her's and two others looked the freshest of the bunch.

They all seemed to go southward along the railway for about four hundred metres meeting up with 96th avenue. From there her friend Kim needed only to walk up a small hill one block and she'd be at the Shell gas station. And that is what she did.

I walked back northward along the railway seeing nothing on the sides resembling a purse. Maybe the David guy had picked up the purse as Jade fled and tossed it far away after going through it? Maybe her friend Kim had it with her? The two other trails run off the railway and towards a couple of nearby cul-de-sac's. I followed along these side trails but found no footprints resembling Jades. Where could she have gone? Going back to the small circular dead end clearing in the bushes where the two sets of footprints were, I pointed my flash light down and looked more closely this time. There in the center was a purse. I knew it was hers. It had a 'XOXO' branding like the Louis Vuitton bags. Inside was the usual, makeup, a package of cigarettes, a lighter, and more make up. Typical female accessories.

In a small zipped up compartment was a piece of paper and a key chain with two dices. I opened the piece of paper and found four names and phone numbers on it. The area codes were all from other locals. Jade was telling the truth about her mother moving to Washington. There she married an american and ditched her daughter. Father meanwhile was nowhere to be found.

Taking Care of Business

"And a happy birthday goes out to Lisa from Andre, Lynette, her boyfriend Doug, Roanne, Leigh, Greg, Ida, Medium Lei... and the rest of the mafia in south burnaby." Yes that's what she heard on the early morning edition of CityTV vancouver. They missed half the group but got those names in. Lisa probably got the biggest laugh when they referred to me by my nickname in the group, Medium Lei. There are three Lei's in this particular circle of friends and we are differenciated by our height. I am in the middle. Little Lei has moved away to Montreal because of work and big ugly Lei is nowhere to be found. Nobody liked him and I'm guessing that the feeling is mutual.

I've noticed that some people get crabby when they become old. Why is this? Have they been hurt enough with life in their earlier years that they've built a ten foot wall of negativity towards everything around them? I came across a site belonging to some old photographer. Read the last section on the techniques page under 'the print'. I had assumed that he would be a gentle older person which is why the bluntness in his description is somewhat amusing.

Searching around for a good rate, I ended up staying with the same bank. The small mortgage on my mothers house is up for renewal at the end of this month and I wanted to get the best possible deal for her. CIBC's first non-discounted five year fixed rate of 5.8% was completely unacceptable. I talked with the account manager and without much hassle, he promptly offered me 4.6%. As I shopped around for the next few days, the Bank of Canada increased its base lending rate enough that no other institution could match CIBC's discounted offer from the previous week. Had the manager not remembered to offer me this rate the week before, I'm sure he would not have continued to offer it to me today. The mortgage brokers could only beat it by 0.05% so I decided that my mother should stay with the current lender. I should have shopped around sooner because as late as this recent monday, I could have received the same mortgage elsewhere fro 4.30%.

My grandmother has also decided to travel to Taiwan with my aunt one last time. But because my aunt is currently suffering from cancer and my grandmother is really getting on in age, we have to rewrite the will. They also wanted to look into funeral home services and fees for just such an occasion.

After speaking with a manager at OceanView Cemetary's in Burnaby, I found out that package deals for service plus a casket typically range from eight thousand to fourteen thousand. Seems a bit high but I guess thats life. No pun intended folks.

I also found this site called FindAGrave.com. The name is somewhat amusing allowing you to search for all types of famous people in various categories. For those who are into historical stuff, this might be interesting.

The Photographer - Adios Jorge

One last photo inside that Club Med Cancun disco hut from an unfinished roll of film. Boy am I glad that I went when I did. Prior to us going, the night lights at their tennis courts were blown from the previous hurricanes. Now the damage must be much worse but as I remember, all their floors are well taken care of with freshly updated concrete paint in the usual bright southern colors. While many of the resorts nearby probably have carpeted floors, Club Med uses tiles.

The small triangle just left of the large music video screen is the foam bubble machine. There's probably enough foamy water there now.

Before our departure, we were told by other guests and staff that the Renault company had booked the whole place for a month. I wonder what has become of them.

Yesterday I said good bye to a good friend and a great photographer. His collections of images of beautiful women was very inspiring and his friendly nature was welcoming. After four months of studying ESL, sharing his gift of portrait photography with me and others, he stepped on a plane bound for home in Mexico. Many of his friends here were fellow ESL students in the downtown Vancouver area. I suggested that we meet at Shenanigans for one last outing together.

I was late because drop-in volleyball was much too fun earlier in the evening. Jorge's homestead mother decided to invite some of her friends over and spend time with Jorge. He sat there trying to be polite before finally excusing himself an hour and a half later. Everyone else was already there.

I chose to show these pictures in black and white like memories frozen in time. Images from my Yashica T4 with Fuji 400 colour film scanned and converted to grayscale.

Jorge and his very close friend from Venezuela, Lilly. Her and two other Venezuelan's are all engineers like myself. My former self that is.

Some friendly joking amongst friends. Here Jorge shows his fishing skills.

The woman behind the man? People always joke about how it is the woman that makes the man.

"Now that I am gone, you must behave yourself Rodriguez." Jorge gives Rodriguez one last punch. Aside from me, Jorge is the oldest of the group. Many of the group are in their early twenties. With Jorge gone, I feel like I will become their chaperone.

"Lei, when I return, I hope you will have a new car" Jorge said with his partially broken english. On more than one occasion, I have packed my small truck with everyone. How many people can one fit in a small pickup? One brazilian, two Venezuelan's, two mexican's and one driver from Taiwan this evening. Incidentally, as the night wore on, Jorge also became shorter losing a couple of feet in height.

One last meal at a twenty-four hour Pho noodle joint. Perfect for some late night eating especially since it is monday, or rather tuesday morning. My foreign born friends have become much better at handling the ol chopsticks. Here the nickel plated napkin dispenser worked perfectly as a tripod for my small point n shoot camera.

We had briefly tossed up the idea of setting up a studio together. That is if he returns. Or a bunch of us may have some sort of reunion in Mexico since the majority of his south american friends here live just a few hours from his home town. As well as his studio is doing there, he does not want to stay there. Talks of him moving to Los Cabos has come up. That would be a great place to visit and do some surfing along the Baja peninsula.

Adios Jorge.

Don't Say Good Bye

It's been a while since I've done anything with Tsubame. He's been off travelling with his now departed girlfriend and I've been off on my own adventures and activities. And after reading his current blog entry, I have this sudden realization of what he is going through. Just yesterday, I saw Kozue walking towards Tsubame's house as I drove out to go to my mandarin class downtown. I thought it was weird that this was the first time I saw her in the neighborhood. She didn't look particularly happy but then, who has a huge smile on their face when they are just walking around on the sidewalk with no one to joke or talk with.

It also reminds me of this young japanese woman in my mandarin class whom I just found out will be leaving canada to go back home. She is not sad to leave. Her other close japanese friends have already left for home. So she does not feel too excited these last couple of months that she will stay here. When she returns, she will go through the same thing as Kozue. See her family and friends again and try to find a new job. She wants to get into the business of making or buying and selling movies or videos. Jobs are still hard to come by for young people new to the workforce I was told.

I downloaded episode 18 of Initial D yesterday. It was interesting that this and the previous episode took place in the Saitama prefecture. The team took a break which gave them a chance to develop the romance between one of the main drivers on the team and a young female admirer. They too separate but due to work. Racing that is. The Project D racing team travels to nearby regions in order to race against new opponents yet the main character chooses his relentless pursuit to be successful instead of allowing the young woman to come into his life.

Tsubame and Kozue chose not to show their feelings at the airport and I don't fault them for that is their choice. I on the otherhand would choose otherwise. Life is short, tell someone what you think before it maybe too late. Keeping those feelings inside just creates possible regret and unnecessary stress. What better way to lock in the emotions of someone special than to utter those words few words. But again, that is just my opinion and one could argue the opposite as being just as powerful. But again, you're only human and humans experience emotions unless you're Mr. Spock the Vulcan. Use those tear ducts! You have them so use em!

That cafe mocha really did me in this evening. Sitting there in my photography class waiting for the lecture to start, I saw a sign on the bulletin board saying that no food or drinks are allowed in the classroom. So I quickly drank the whole cup. For the next three hours, my heartbeat raced a mile a minute and towards the end, a small headache had developed. Note to self, never do that again.

When I got home, I took a shower and drained. With the water grounding me, I could feel all the energy from my head travel down to the water at my feet. This went on for a while and eventually, the pressure or headache subsided. Tomorrow is my next appointment with the specialist for my quarterly blood test. Hopefully it should continue to show good results. My head is wired right now. I can't sleep. That humungous pie is completely gone so what am I to do.

The Obituary

I just got home from the first class of conversational mandarin and it was good. The lesson wasn't boring because they weren't concerned with teaching text, everyone was kept awake learning the dialogue.

A strange thing though. It looks as though almost everyone in the class has not taken the beginners course. The course was described as an intermediate level I and only two courses were shown as being available. The other requiring more prequisites. Apparently, there is a whole slew of other mandarin courses not advertised because of very low attendance. No one was completely lost though. Everyone had some sort of background in mandarin which helped a lot.

After I got home, I felt like making something. Having just done another liver flush this weekend with good results, my conscience is telling me to stick with healthy foods. We had fresh sweet corn on the cob in the house. I also made some chicken vegetable soup using the following ingredients.

1 cup sliced carrots
1 cup sliced celery
1/2 cup diced onion
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp paprika
1/2 cup thin or broad noodles (lo mein) broken into small pieces
4 cups chicken stock
3 cups water

The final product turned out good. You can taste the sweetness from the onions and carrots against the slight bitterness of the celery while the paprika adds another dimension to the base. That's it from me. Your on your own from here. I just remembered that I had planned on adding some fresh pieces of garlic but forgot to at the time.

On a side note, I used a section of an old newspaper as a place to peel some carrots on. Holding the first carrot I began to peel it when I looked down at the paper and there it was. An announcement for the funeral for a woman which I met a few years ago in the obituaries. I met her through a friend that I had met on the first and only trip to Club Med Cancun with Gambit. This is rather ironic given that her funeral will be held on the day that I am to leave for Club Med Cancun this weekend. I have an old photo of her from when a bunch of us crashed at her friends place in Seattle. We had driven down from Vancouver, tried a couple of restaurants, relaxed in their outdoor jacuzzi and hung out in some night club that was pretty good.

Back in vancouver she had a nice corner unit in a tower downtown. It was on the floor above the retail units which gave her a huge patio all to herself. The patio was the size of two whole units all by itself. Unfortunately, the building was destined for failure. Her place had flooded when a water pipe somewhere up on the seventh or eighth floor burst. Even though everything was fixed, it was not fixed completely. I have seen an engineering report from on a core sample taken from the wall at street level and the final grade was a failure. Sublayers of contaminated building material. Similar to all those leakey condo's where the rain screen system was not properly designed.

Without getting too far off topic, in her photo, she was just sitting on her friends small balcony that weekend taking a minute for herself and having a cigarette, not looking particularly happy. She was just smoking. That's all she was doing, just smoking... just smoking...

The Relatives Are Here and The Wedding Is Cancelled!

My relatives were in town last week and being out of work, I took the opportunity to spend as much time with them as I could. I drove them everywhere it seems all to keep them preoccupied with things to see and do. Especially the little ones. A niece and nephew who are both just teenagers. I was surprised to see how tiring it was to do all of this while at the same time continue to take care of daily business. Such activities included driving to Whistler on thursday for a lot of site seeing and a walk arond Lost Lake. Then stops along the highway back towards vancouver only to be late for ballroom dancing lessons which my mother had arranged. We didn't make it and my mother became quit upset because she was not able to show off her dancing abilities to more of her relatives.

Later on we went to the video store to rent some movies. They picked out 'Life Aquatic with Steve Zeuss' and 'Guess Who'. I found out that my two teenage relatives tended to stay up really late like somewhere between two and four in the morning on a regular basis so they stayed up and watched these movies. But after spending a long day on the road to and back from Whistler, they could only get through one of the movies leaving the other one for the next morning.

The following afternoon, I took them to a local indoor batting cage. Christopher, the older of the two teenagers wanted to try it so the other one, Melissa came along having nothing else to do. With the machine set between 55 and 65 mph, we could barely hit the ball. Probably in the neighborhood of 20% for me and 15% for Christopher. When it was Melissa's turn, we slowed the machine down to 25 mph. She had moderate success until she asked me to turn it up. I did and she began to hit the balls with great consistency only missing four or so pitches. Remember, we are using regular fastballs and not softballs. For a young teenage girl who doesn't particularly care for sports, she was pretty good. A few times she hit the ball straight back towards me while I stood behind the handfed pitching machine taking photos through an opening in the safety net. It looks like we have found a new talent for her.

The previous day I also received a somewhat expected call from a former coworker. There was to be a wedding on the recent sunday but the call was to inform me that the wedding was cancelled. Back goes the wedding gifts today. A heavy gauge muffin pan and a pair of fancy silicone oven mitts. Have you ever seen such things? They now have oven mitts and other assorted baking pans made of bendable and soft silicone instead of the traditional coated metal or aluminum. Anyhow, I believe the keg of beer was already purchased and the groom and many of his friends held a drinkfest staying up until 4am saturday morning before deciding to go out to Richmond for a hike by the airport. Saturday evening I joined them at a restaurant for the cancelled wedding dinner.

On the day of the former wedding, we went hiking up Grouse Mountain instead. There is a trail which runs up to the old lift which is shorter, easier and with considerably less people. Not too far away parallel to this trail is the Grouse Grind which has become a standard and tourist attraction as well as a really aweful workout for many. Some like it, many do not.

Here the former groom sits on the right beside his long time friend from highschool. Together, the three of us enjoy the short ride on the new quad chairlift on the ski run known as the 'cut' atop of Grouse Mountain. I am rather surprised at how well the odd photo is coming from a camera phone.

Mysteriously, this person appeared and managed to get into the following photo. Security on these chair lifts is rather poor.

These are my feet. See how they fly in the air just like those cheesy chinese kung fu movies.

My feet approaching the bottom of the chairlift. Unfortunately, my camera phone can not properly show the view of Vancouver because of the sun and high contrast.

On the hike down, we took a slightly different path and found this. When was the last time someone saw a can of diet pepsi like this?

The former groom hiking down as fast as he can. His other friend has disappeared down the trail.

Again, we come across an item of interest. Just like the flight of the wedding came to a crashing halt, this jet engine is all that remains of another plane from long ago.

A closer inspection by the former groom.

Fuz, as we call him, performs some basic tests on the material properties of this engine by hitting the cooling fins with a rock.

We see it in the movies all the time and now it has happened to someone I know. Time to pick up the pieces and move on.

Good Bye and Hello

Good bye to my former employer. Good bye to the company which I have worked for the past nine years since I graduated from university. Good bye to my fellow colleagues whom I worked with. It has been an unusually long journey for each and every one of us with a company that just wouldn't die but always seemed like it should.

On Thursday, the termination agreement was signed and with the final handshake, I was set free. What better time to start things anew than with free time during our hot summer weather. So having ended two memberships recently, I find myself suddenly in the middle of two new membership groups.

Our softball team is in first place now. A complete turnaround from last years no win, last place scenario. Mind you, half the team didn't return and those that replaced them are much stronger players which has certainly helped. We had five games this past week due to a number of previously postponed games. Half the team was also away doing the West Coast Trail.

I missed one double header on wednesday because of the photo class. However, it has been brought to my attention that this wasn't so bad because the game had gotten kind of ugly. The opposing team didn't have any of their regular pitchers so they kept walking everyone. The last inning is open meaning that the number of runs is not limited to five as in the first six innings. As a result, my team scored fourteen runs in the last inning alone. Then the other team complained that we weren't hitting any of their pitches which again, were mostly bad.

The double header on the previous day saw us playing against a team called NAAAP Time. I thought this was some sort of joke but as it turned out, it stands for North American Association of Asian Professionals. They're basically a networking group. After we beat them in both games, they invited us to join them for food and drinks at a pub nearby. A few of us went and I basically was the only one who made any sort of social connection with them. As a result, I found myself playing badminton with a bunch of them on Thursday plus food afterwards. Then their ultimate frisbee group joined us so the group got bigger again. And from there, the networking goes on. We'll see how this all turns out.

Tomorrow I'll attend the Photoclub's monthly meeting and see what it's all about.

Last Evening in Vegas

The three of us stood there trying to figure out what to do next. We had just got off the monorail like train at Mandalay Bay from MGM Grand and it was approximately midnight.
"So what do you guys want to do now?" I asked.
"I'm ok with whatever you guys want to do" replied Brendan.
We looked at Gambit before he said "I'm tired. I haven't had much sleep all week." It's true. Earlier in the evening during dinner he had remarked how he couldn't sleep well at Pete's place in San Francisco. The first leg of his three part vacation in America. And the one evening so far in Las Vegas wasn't much better. Maybe it was was just anxiety from the Texas Holdem tournaments he had played in. Wondering how he would do tomorrow or why he couldn't do better.
"I have a conference tomorrow morning before we leave so I need to get up early" exclaimed Brendan.
It was settled. We shook hands and parted. This was it for this trip as far as time spent with the two. I jumped on the other tram which would take me back to the Luxor where I was staying. When I got there I felt like I didn't want to go to sleep. It was the last evening and I wanted to do something. I wandered around and looked at the inside of the black pyramid some more, took some photos before heading down to the casino on the lower level.

The place was still busy. There were lots of people standing at the craps table. A game which I have yet to understand despite Brendan explaining it to Gambit before me during dinner earlier this evening. Over at the black jack table everyone was smoking and a third of the remaining people seemed to be wearing oversized sports jerseys. It was like every other person was trying to be the 'boyz from the hood' or something like that. I decided to walk back through the shopping area and see how things were like at the Mandalay Casino.

There was a small group of people watching four african americans playing black jack on a short table. I couldn't see what all the interest was except that one guy was really big and dressed in a suit. Maybe he was some sort of celebrity that I had never heard of. The casino atmosphere here was different. Everything looked newer, cleaner and the people. They were different. The ceiling was high and expansive.

A well dressed couple walk by and I look at the woman. She's dressed in a full length sihlouette of a black dress and her partner is in a suit. She looks towards me as I turn around to look back at her before continuing on. I peeked in on a black jack table where an asian family was playing amongst others. It looked like the grandfather was giving chips to his family to play with while he played as well. He had a huge stack of black chips which denote a hundred dollars each. He was talking exuberantly and suddenly turned to me and jovially asked me for my opinion. "Should I do it? What do you think?"
"Of course! Bet it all!" I replied with a smile. He laughed and they continued.
I moved on and spotted a fifteen dollar table with three men playing black jack. They were dressed in dark dress clothes and seated one seat apart. I took a seat between two of them who appeared to be low key friends. They didn't seem to welcome my presence as they didn't adjust their positions to give me room. Both were a bit bigger than me. Nevermind their egos, I didn't give any ground and kept my spot as I put a hundred dollar bill down to get some chips. Amiri the dealer gave me the chips in five's and twenty fives. He was the same dealer we had the first evening Brendan, Gambit and I played black jack. I had my first successful binge at his table.

The two men on either side of me continued to play not betting much above the minimum amount when the guy on my right got up and moved to a seat on the left of his friend. I could tell he didn't like sitting beside me but didn't want to say anything as our legs kept hitting. I don't know how long they have been sitting here at this table but I don't think it was too long. They looked like they may have spent the earlier part of the evening in a nite club or at the Island Lounge in the middle of the casino floor. We all played quietly for a while and I started to build up my stacks to around two hundred.

The two guys soon left. They weren't having much luck and wanted to try another table before calling it quits.

Earlier today at Bellagio's, I played by myself at a ten dollar black jack. I sat there for about an hour getting some good mileage off my base stack of a hundred dollars again being able to double up easily. Just make the right bets and know when to vary the amounts and know how to spot the lucky opportunities to bet aggressive. You have to take some risks in order to win big. As I played, another man about the same age as me quickly sat down in the middle of the table. He reached into his pocket and dumped a handful of chips, change and bills. The woman dealer and I both looked at the minimum bet sign and looked at him.
"It's all there. Ten dollars" he told her counting it all as he pulled out one final crumpled up bill from his pocket. It was there alright and he urged her to deal the cards.
"Take it all" he uttered in a dejected voice. "Thats the last of it."
The cards were dealt. He lost and I pulled out a draw. What a funny display of human behaviour as I sat there watching the guy scurry away in his shorts and t-shirt. I'm sure the dealer has seen this many times before.

Back here at the Mandalay Bay, it was now around three in the morning and it was just me and one other person. A half drunk man about my age came and sat on my left. Like many drunks, they like to talk or are pretty open and friendly and the table became more lively. He was an MBA graduate with a full time job in some marketing company and is in the process of starting up a Quiznos franchise somewhere in Connecticut. He is like Gambit or myself. Here because a friend of his was in town for a trade show. Earlier in the evening he had spent five hundred dollars at a strip joint for some lap dances which he kept regretting doing. And now he's losing more at the table but he was a harmless person who had maybe one too many to drink.

Then a few more people came. What appeared to be a good looking young couple and a voluptuous brunette. Judging by our appearances, we all looked about my age or a bit younger except for the brunette. She looked to be a few years older. And by now I was the only person betting upwards of two hundred or so the odd time and this seemed to impress our small happy group.
"I like a man with balls" remarked the brunette. I looked at her and could guess at what idea's she was getting at.
"I thought you were a pro" remarked the other young gentleman and the drunk beside me. I was surprised, nonchalantly mixing up the bets. I had figured out that at the present table, I was having no luck doubling up whenever the dealer had a low number and I had a face card. And whenever I got up to the two hundred level I could take some more risks. When I got into trouble and began running low, then I could just scale back my bets and slowly build my stack of chips back up again. At one point I realized I had the luck to be able to help the guy beside me out. Everytime I skipped a round, I just knew he'd get a good card.

Many people came and went from the table while I was the only one who stayed. Others table hopped looking for more action. Or maybe more luck. Like people who play multiple slot machines at a time. They develop a system which they think works. A favourite machine or order if you will yet some don't know that you can program the success rate on those machines.

Amiri was a good dealer. He'd always pause and have a look whenever a good looking woman walked by and he'd always give us good advice. I knew I should have listened but didn't. Instead I just enjoyed the game with our after hours group.

The woman, Tammy(as I faintly remember) of the young couple to my right was really friendly. I believe she lives in Ohio but am not completely sure at this point. Her male friend, who I assumed was her boyfriend thanked me and the half drunk man on my left for moving over so that they could sit together. Other than that, he didn't say much. Tammy however had had a little bit to drink earlier in the evening but was sober enough to know what was happening.

The pit boss came over to the table for something.
"Huey Lewis. Get me some Huey Lewis tickets for tomorrow!" she said out loud towards the pit boss. It appeared as though he was taking her order as he scribbled something down on a piece of paper.
"We're going to their concert tomorrow night and its going to be awesome" she yelled at me.

She and her two male friends had just come from the Palm's night club at Tropicana across the street and decided to play at our table. After introducing herself to me and the young man on my left, she began to gamble with us using chips from her friend. Her leg kept bumping into mine and I began to wonder if she was hitting on me or if she was just so disorientated she couldn't sit properly. At first I just ignored it and noticed that she was seeing only moderate success on the table with her friends suggestions.

"You don't talk to me" she said to her friend before turning to the drunk at my left and saying "you don't talk to me either. I'm gonna talk to him." She pointed at me. The guy who just started playing black jack at a casino with real money for the first time one day ago.

A few rounds passed by and she played a few hands before suddenly getting up and disappearing. I was a bit surprised and thought that she had left for the evening without her two friends. One of which was still play while the other just sat quietly behind them watching.

Minutes later she appeared tossing some money at her friend.
"Here's your money!" she said to the one just watching before sitting down beside me again.

She was interesting and I liked her. We chit chatted as the game went on and everytime Amiri dealt the cards, he would have to wait until I noticed that he was waiting for me. I'd give him a subtle gesture with my hand to deal, stay or just skip the round completely. Playing like I really was a regular. All the while, I kept talking to Tammy.

"Where are you from?" she asked.
"Vancouver... as in British Columbia Canada...It's a really nice place. you'd like it" I told her.
"I love Vancouver" she said. "I stayed at the Pan Pacific to do a modelling job for the Molson Indy. You should have seen the room. It was fabulous."
"The Molson Indy... that's old" I exclaimed being a bit sarcastic but poking fun at her."
"hmmm, yeah, it is." her friend beside her agreed with me.
Tammy sat back as though she was just insulted. I knew right away what she was thinking and had to back track.
"No no no... I didn't mean it that way" I pleaded gesturing my hands in front of her. Looking over at her friend at the same time I told them that "I didn't want to get into a discussion where I'm trying to guess a womans age."
My comment was about the age of the Molson Indy as I know that they have discontinued the CART racing series, or at least the Fedex sponsorship. I can't remember the last year it was run in Vancouver. To me, it seems so long ago since the one and only time that I've paid to go see it live.

She continued to sit back, distant from me. Staring at me. The whole table stopped and I just looked at her.
"Don't worry. It's alright... Believe me." I said quietly.
"You're beautiful" came from my voice slowly. I didn't mind telling her this because she was. From that moment on, I had her full attention. Now what was going through her friends head at this point. Even if they weren't going out, I could tell that he wanted to be with her.

The game continued and I didn't know what to do with her. Her friend decided to cash out his chips and wanted them to leave. She turned to me and said "Let's go look for hookers."
"What? Look for hookers?" I exclaimed. "What are you talking about?"
"At the bar, the Island Lounge... You'd be surprised. We were talking to a young woman who was nicely dressed there and found out that she was a hooker looking for a job" she explained.
"We watched her leave with a customer"
"That's surprising and not. I should expect that these days" I told her. I looked towards the table and Amiri was looking at me. The half drunk guy on my left was saying something to me but I wasn't listening. I think he was asking me what he should do with his cards.
"He's not interested Tammy. Let's go" said her friend. The other male friend had already left by now to retire for the evening.
She stood up and put her hand on my shoulder. I could feel it slide off as she slowly walked away.
"Oh man, what do I do" I thought to myself. Sometimes I think that I think too much and this was one of them. Maybe I should have gone with her and not worry about her friend no matter what the situation was between them. It could have been an opportunity for some sort of relationship and I passed it up. I looked over my other shoulder and watched them walk to the Lounge holding hands briefly.

The table suddenly seemed to come back to life. The pit boss and Amiri both agreed "finally, she's gone." Yes she did disrupt the game, but hey, it's like, four in the morning now and people will be people. I was still up one or two hundred dollars. Having been once close to three above always managing to keep my float positive. My new friend on my left lost all he could bare at that point and I decided to stop and head to the lounge for a drink with him.

We went over to the Island Lounge just a few feet away where a live band had finished playing not too long ago, free drinks in hand. A number of people were still there. Some regular looking late nighters, a group of middle aged men maybe looking to hook up with someone, two women who looked to fit the bill and Tammy and her friend.

Some more men from the bar walked over to the two women and surrounded them as the asian woman in jeans turned herself around. Maybe to display the goods without baring anything in public. None of the men went for it. They just continued to talk and 'check out the product' for sale.

Tammy and her friend were talking to a dark woman. I could tell what she was doing as when the woman left Tammy to go back to her couple friends in some chairs, she was laughing. Laughing at what Tammy was asking her probablyas she pointed towards her simultataneously. "Do you do tricks" I thought?

Tammy's friend left her for a moment and other men at the bar beside her immediately started to talk to her but were soon turned away. Then her friend or boyfriend showed up.

At this point the half drunk friend who was beside me said that he was going to go back to the black jack table. I followed for one final round. Amiri was still there at his table.
"This is it gentlemen. I'm closing down for the evening." he told us. We placed a few quick bets and it was all gone.

Opportunities won and lost in an instant. That's not to say that it all can't be won all over again, and just as quickly.

"Thank you Amiri and good night" I said. "It has been a pleasure". He was the first dealer I had on this trip and would be the last. I said farewell to my new half drunk friend and turned around.

I watched Tammy leave with her friend. She didn't look very well. She didn't look happy or maybe she was just tired.

An Encounter

*Revised to fill in some blanks for those wondering.*

Where she lives, there is a fitness room, hot tub, sauna and an outdoor pool on the third floor. We had decided to go for a short workout. She used the exercise machines and I did some weights. Then I left to go for a swim. She would follow shortly.

I entered the pool from inside the building passing through the hanging plastic strips. They were used as a weather barrier between the outside and the inside. The sun disappeared hours ago and there was very little light outside. You could just see a bit of light from the moon against the dark clouds. It was wonderfully brilliant as flashes of lightning lit the downtown city scape view from atop this portion of the tower where the private pool was located. Thunder could be heard in the distance. What an exhilirating feeling as the long and narrow pool was perfectly warm. Steam rose up amidst the infinite little splashes of rain drops on the water surface. I floated there with the feeling that the only thing around me was all the other towers nearby and the deep and powerful looking night sky.

Earlier this same evening, I had dinner with her at a trendy little Korean restaurant on Robson street. The place was busy but just as we got there, a table had just become available with our order already being prepared. We had phoned just minutes before while on the way there to make the reservations. She frequented the place with one of her past girlfriends so she knew the hostess well.

We ordered a pork stew dish that you cook over a small portable gas stove right on your table. It was great. The same dish as the one we had a long time ago at another korean restaurant farther down the street except that this one was much better. The meat was tender and the seasoning in the soup was very tasty. During the meal, we almost got into an argument. She said to me, "why are you always so negative towards me" and was about to let me have it. Verbally that is before she finally asked me what it is that I wanted in a girlfriend. I told her in an indirect sort of way. "I don't want someone that treats me like dirt." What I also wanted to say was that I didn't want her to keep using me like I'm some throw away toy or a doormat.

Her insecurity made her overly defensive about any little criticism of her abilities or what she was doing. It was always difficult to keep all my frustrations with her inside all the time for fear of the autoreactive backlash which was guaranteed. She on the other hand had no problem with letting people know when something bugged her adding a bit of emotional blackmail with it. As a result, she was blind to the fact that she held herself up on such a high pedestal completely ignorant of all the people her feet treaded upon. In her world, the only thing that mattered was her and what she wanted. She used everyone and would lie to get her way.

Back to the present, I swam a few lengths before heading back in to use the sauna. The temperature was set at 82 degrees fahrenheit and the timer set to the maximum. The pressure treated two level cedar benches inside were hot to the touch. As I sat there, all the water from the pool dripped off and slowly evaporated. All the tension from life disappeared into the heat.

She walked in and laid down on the long top bench. I sat at the end against the short window. This was all the light for the room coming from the city nightscape amidst the flashes of lightning.

"Lots of guys around this building hit on me. This one guy that I see walking his dog, some kid who noticed me at the college yesterday who thinks I look young and even other guys in this tower when I'm working out or sitting in the hot tub. The other day I saw one of the guys with his wife" she said.

She was my ex-girlfriend and she was having problems with her current boyfriend. The rough spots in their relationship were quite frequent and she would come to me for emotional support once or twice a year. However, we have already decided that we would never be together again. That was agreed and I was her temporary escape.

"My boyfriend hardly pays any attention to me these days. My feet are sore now from standing alot at work. When I ask him for a massage, he doesn't want to. He doesn't know how... He just gives me these light touches with hot oil. Once I went to a physiotherpist for a massage. I was naked on my stomach with only a towel over my lower half but I swear the guy was nervous. I think he was too anxious because he was so attracted to my body. Afterwards he even offered me a free follow up session" she exclaimed.

Her body exuded sex. That's what attracts most men, the sleeze, the powerful businessmen, the young ones. She teezes them all for her own fun before rejecting them. Before she wouldn't. Now she's just a victim of her own insecurity. I sat there looking at her. The thin pale blue bikini helped to emphasize her strong features where ever it was able to cover her. There was a large metal ring incorporated into the bottom of her bikini a few inches from her left hip.

"Could you give me a massage?" she asked me. "I like your massages." She sat up with her back to me, her shoulders between my legs. I worked on her stiff shoulders feeling her skin in the now ninety degree heat. Someone had covered the heat sensor with a few layers of paper towels to insulate it from the real temperature. "mmm that feels really good" she said in a quiet tone. Her artificially lengthened and coloured hair was moist and tied up. "Sometimes when I gain a little bit of weight, my breasts get bigger. Can you see?" She leaned her head back into my stomach and inhaled deeply expanding her chest outwards. My hands slid down from her shoulders on her wet skin beneath the straps of her top. They were wonderfully warm.

She then layed down on the top bench beside me and put her legs on mine. I rubbed my fingers into the balls of her small feet, pressing deeply into the muscle and joints, working the arch and heel. I gripped her large toe at the base shaping my finger in the form of a ring and pulled each one out to the end. I repeated this by grabbing the base of the toe with the tips of the fingers on one hand and pulled outwards. The other toes were done before working my way down her leg, massaging her calves then her inner thighs. She sat up and opened her legs facing me. "Baby do you see it?" she asks.

The only source of light was the ambient night glow which came through the short window. No one else was around. The sweat formed beads all over her warm dark skin, soaking her swimwear. A bead ran down the center of her chest from just below her neck. "This is the last time" she said.

The Reunion

My how we've grown up physically but maybe not yet mentally as we sat around pondering our age. My grade three classmates from Mary Jane Norris elementary. All except for Eugene(second from left) who was always a year behind. Sucks to be a year younger than the rest eh? He now works at the welfare office downtown. So basically he spends his time giving out cheques to all the high class bums who are so caught up in the lifestyle of downtown living but could never afford it or are just total druggies or dopeheads. A large proportion of them spend their time trying to ride or rip off the system. Apparently something like 85% of all the recipients either have HIV or Hepatitis C. Eugene makes it a point of never shaking hands with anyone that comes into the office. Please stay behind the glass window when speaking to me sir/madame... Evonne also has an older sister who was the same age as my brother. Her parents still own Ken's grocery store on 96th avenue. During reccess, lunch or just passing it on the way home after school, we'd go to her store and buy candy. Or conversely, she would bring stuff for us. Peter has become the consumate nature photographer having published two books. He's busy trying to make a living of it now with some signs of success. One step at a time... Then there's, huh. Wait a minute. Who's that guy on the far right? How'd he get in there? Damn security... :P

Thanks to Evonne's husband Derek for taking the pics.

Fix This Replace That III

I got a message at work today from the nursing home. They said that the tea pot machine thingy is leaking thus posing a health hazard and had to be replaced. I went there after work and looked at it. The plastic housing on the bottom was loose. I took out my small socket driver and tightened the screw.

We've been looking for another dishwasher. The one there finally gave up. It's had a long life and deserves to be retired. My brother picked it up from an auction for about four hundred dollars. When functional its amazing. The complete wash and rinse cycle takes less than two minutes and has a built in water superheater. This is a restaurant grade machine. The Hobart rep said that a comparable new model would cost about five grand. We decided to look for alternatives and found a Jet-tech F18 which is about eight hundred dollars less than the best deal we could get on the current generation Hobart SR-24H model. So many things to replace...

Then I spent about a half an hour with Ann the recreational therapist on how to use the DVD remote control with the tv. Someone had messed it up so I had to pull out the manual and reprogram it to control the tv again.

Friday night hockey was pretty good even though my side lost. I still had plenty of energy to skate around despite the problems earlier on in the week with health. Or maybe it's just that there are less faster and skilled players in the current series as some have left. The new replacements are not as strong on the ice as some of the others. I managed to get one goal and a little bit of respect near the last ten minutes of the game after a total collapse halfway through. We gave them a huge lead part way through on one horrible shift, among others. Next week, the league organizer is expected to return to the lineup from his broken arm injury.

Today I watched Sin City. Great movie and great artistic direction nevermind all the T&A and violence. When I saw that Quentin Tarantino was a guest producer on the set, I was afraid that it might turn into one of his usual type of movie. Not that they're bad as I do like them in their own right. Luckily, the mood and atmosphere of the movie was so different and well done that any sense of Tarantino stylism was not noticed. And prior to deciding to watch this movie, I initially had my reservations until I saw the commercial and realized it wasn't like all the other quasi-dark fantasy hero film. I don't know how else to describe it.

Afterwards my friend and I went to a nearby sushi place for all you can eat late night special. The food was so-so as the yam tempura was oily. I don't think the oil bath in the deep fryer was set at the right temperature. They cheaped out on the green salad not using the traditional dressing with the purreed carrots in it. At the table beside us was an asian woman with an old man. It looked liked she was just taking her father out to eat some dinner. She didn't order much food for herself. He on the other hand had ordered a box dinner special with a small bottle of hot sakai. And when he had finished her daughter started telling him that that was all that he was going to get for the evening. It was getting late and she wanted to be home by 1am. Her cell phone rang and she answered saying that the two of them would be home soon.

The old man was visibly dissappointed and threw his cup down on the table getting the attention of me and my eating friend. At this point the waiter came and the woman requested that they not serve her father anymore alcohol. The father ignored his daughters request and asked for more as she pleaded with him to stop behaving so badly in public. The waiter left and came back shortly saying that the heater for the sakai had already been turned down for the night so the drink could not be served.

I looked at the woman as she sat across the table from her father. Maybe I could just say hello or something but didn't. Judging from the phone call, there was probably a family waiting for her. Some lucky husband I suppose. She was very attractive with deep black eyes shaped like those of a cat. They were beautiful.

Not Going Anywhere

Oh god(again). My manager has been driving me crazy all week at work with the current project. Meanwhile the coworker is getting really stressed with tomorrows expected paycheque which the CEO said we would get. The big question is how much will be given out. I expect it to be two weeks of pay tops. And while the said manager has taken it upon himself to obligate the rest of us to stay and work on this project, some of us do not feel as such. Aside from tomorrow, by next week we will be out a full quarter of our annual salary.

Another coworker had his car stolen the other day. I'm not sure why. It's an ugly, faded old Toyota Cressida built in the early eighties. Last night a number of offices in our industrial park were broken into and had their computer equipment stolen. The same people tried to break into our office except that the door which they were going through was double bolted from the inside. We never use this door and as they faught with it in an attempt to break it open, the veneer blinds shook which set off the motion detector. The alarm located on the roof above the back warehouse went off and woke up the overnight 'security guard' who was fast asleep in his car parked directly behind our building. He then called the local authorities while the assailents escaped with nothing from our office.

When I found this out, it occurred to me that when I left that day, I had actually looked at the security guard in his car. Normally I don't see him, just his car parked in the same spot near my car. So for whatever reason, we looked at each other as I backed my truck in front of him acknowledging each others presence before driving off. Feeling a strange sense of why we looked at each other this time. I still wonder if someone is still trying to run our company into the ground and steal it through bankruptcy.

The other day while driving I had another peculiar thought. It was that some sort of argument or disruption was happening at the rental house. At that point I began to worry about what bad things might be occuring like the tenants wanting to complain about something to me. Instead a day or two later I noticed that one of the front bedroom windows was smashed. Some sort of argument had broken out I think. I didn't bother finding out but the day after, I saw one of them outside and just said hi. It was Jerry and he told me that he was starting to work again doing some painting jobs. I let some days go by and the window was soon replaced without any intervention on my part.

Getting back to office antics, my stressed out coworker has been trying to convince me to buy a motorcycle. He wants to escape and needs someone to escape with. Kind of like the buddy system I suppose. Almost everyday he has dropped by Carter Honda on west 4th. We've been looking at the CBR 600 F4i and comparing it with the RR and the one litre bikes. Yesterday the salesguy called him up and told him that he had a bike for us. It was just brought in by someone who wanted to leave the country for China. My coworker dropped by after work again and looked at the bike. It was spotless and in mint condition. The salesperson pointed out that the tires were not even ridden hard showing no signs of wear on the sides. I was still at work when he called me up to tell me about the bike. Oh man, if I had a place to store that thing and the expectation of a few pending transactions could easily sway me to run down there and pick it up. Then just take off for a day...

Daggers and Swords

One of the senior engineers who was given a seat on the board of directors left to spend two weeks with his family in Hawaii. No one in the office knew until he had already gone. I don't know why I did it but I continued to stay at the office and finished my part of the project this week. Was it because of my weak sense of continued hope that this company might live on? There's been so much history with this company as I approach the end of the eight year. The relatively small project worth around fifty thousand was urgent in my managers view. I disagreed because it would still be another two to three months before the company would see a cent of it. By this time the company would be around five or six months behind in payments and salaries. My manager knew what a strain it was for me to stick around and continue to work so he thanked me for it. Everyone else had gone home already on thursday and everyone was given a four day long weekend for Easter.

With only a half hour to go in the work day, we received an update from the CEO in Texas. Apparently an investment group had tentatively decided that they want to fund our small company. As good as this sounded, I reminded my manager this update was no different than the numerous times we have been told that some sort of financing was very close to being in place and that it was just a matter of jumping through some hoops and dealing with regulatory delays. Only to have all hopes disappear in the end by the silence from the board of directors and upper management.

My manager can at times have a big ego and began to tell me that he didn't want to lose the one million shares he has in the company or that he had such a large amount at stake. And that our sales manager and the current CEO have no share ownership at all yet they are also asking for their pay. My manager had also lost a half million dollars in a few other business ventures which failed in one way or another but despite all of this, he had the resources to be able to try these various businesses because he was very fortunate in a number other investments. Then he told me that he had suspected that the previous CEO may have tried to force the Board or Directors to declare bankrupty. That CEO would then come in and take over at just pennies a share.

This didn't generate much sympathy from me for anyone in upper management as I told him that I had already suspected this with regards to the current CEO. However, I didn't tell him that I also suspected him of trying the same thing. I wasn't interested in helping him drag everyone through this power play just so he could cash out of his million shares while the staff's family financial situation was made to suffer. You can't compare the sacrifices of a company owner and one of his many business ventures with an employees smaller but just as important financial struggles. And taking on this small fifty thousand dollar project and assuming that your staff will feel obligated to stick around and work for free is unfair. I told my manager that I had already accepted the loss by selling off my stake in the company and converting the proceeds into other more profitable investements. I can probably say for certain that among all the non-management employees, I probably had the highest number of share in the company but selling off my part was the best thing I did. My manager asked me when I did this and I told him it was in the previous year during the last run up in the share price. I don't know what he thought of my move but we both agreed that it may be better for us to just allow the company to collapse and move on. Each one of us have the power to hold the sword that strikes the company down. At the end of each work day, a coworker looks to me to see if I will even come in the next day. Each of us looking to see who will draw their swords first.

It was my sister n law's birthday this week. A small group of us convened at the Golden Ocean restaurant on west forty first street in Kerrisdale for dinner. In attendance was basically the same group that was in Hawaii for their marriage over a year and a half ago. It's been a long time since this group had done anything together and being the only single person at the table, the topic of my dating adventures or lack there of came up and could not be avoided. And during our conversation the former bridesmaid confessed something to me about the wedding. While my sister n law was busy trying to talk the hair stylist into going on a date with me, Tammy the bridesmaid was making up lies about me to deter her from seeing me. When I heard this it made me a bit upset but since this happened such a long time ago, it wouldn't make any difference anymore. It did make me think though. I wondered what made the woman decide not to listen to Tammy and see me anyways. My brother and sister n law asked us if we wanted to go on another vacation to Hawaii again with them.

I told the group everything that had been going on with the company and I could see the level of worrying go up a notch. Especially since I have not bothered to start looking for another job.

Ripples in the Water

I left a pair of swimming shorts somewhere far away. Hanging in obscurity and forgotten in some old shack. It used to be my favourite pair so I wonder what has become of it.

I went to the pool this evening. The rec centre wasn't very busy and I had the middle lane all to myself. My swimming is improving and today I felt faster than I ever had. I must have changed the way I kick because I've never felt it being so strong. My strokes seemed somewhat useless before.

With each push of the water with my arm, I thrust myself forward like a fish through water. Everything seemed almost effortless at times. And as I passed by swimmers in the lane beside me or they by me, I could feel the turbulence from them. The ripples formed from their motion could be felt in the water against me except this time. As I get stronger, the others feel weaker and my path is less disturbed.

My goggles kept fogging up so I needed to clear them after every lap. I didn't need them really. All I needed was that giant black stripe on the floor of the pool to point me in the right direction. Similarly, all that mattered was that I knew where I needed to go from one end to the other. Everything in between did not matter as long as I got there.

The Gambler

Based on excerpts from Psalm 23 - A Psalm of David.

Songs of the Cross - "Deep in the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil. Green pastures await me, quiet streams heal me. All that is required is to cross the small stone bridge. That is the way back home."

I didn't drink any alcohol last night but did stay up really late. Right now I have a small headache. All week I have been having trouble sleeping properly or at normal times. I have also been thinking alot about the two newer drugs which the specialist told me about. Taking one of them will mean forgoing the supposed security of staying with the drug covered by pharmacare. You only live once. You only die once too.

This past week at the office was rather trying at times. It took a lot before I just decided to take all the crap from management. News of Jetsgo's bankruptcy was ironic given my own situation. A situation which I saw coming many months ago. The departure of a key personnel from the office on Friday will now mean that the Board of Directors and the CEO down in Texas can no longer sit in silence or continue to feed us empty promises. Something had to give and this may be it.

Despite this, my mind was on other matters all day as I was busily trying to organize a dinner with some friends that evening. They had been wanting to celebrate my past birthday because the information had managed to slip out the other week. To start, eleven of us spent the evening at a malaysian restaurant called Tropika. It was perfect. The restaurant was busy as usual in the beginning and I watched in quiet amusement, the group debate amongst each other and the restaurant staff with regards to how the bill was going to be settled. Who was going to keep their's separate and who was going to share dishes. Towards the end, the restaurant was nearly empty except for us and a few others. Perfect for singing the birthday song and just enjoying each others company instead of a loud packed place. The Tropika staff brought out a polaroid camera to take a group shot with the one candle on the dessert that I had. This moment is now frozen in time and on the giant corkboard in the lobby of the restaurant with all their other pictures. The board is practically full with just enough room for a handful of pictures to be added. If anyone ever drops bythe Tropika on Cambie street, its in the bottom left corner. Have a peak! I also sprung my own surprise on the group by settling the whole bill.

We went to Yaletown for some drinks and to shoot some pool. No one wanted to stand in any lineups for clubs. While walking around the streets, we'd come across roving bands of clubbers each on their own walk to some destination in the area. Soho Billiards was full so we went to another place which was dead. It was at the end of Hamilton street or the edge of the warehouse district so to speak and was perfect sort of. They could have spruced up the place with some different choices in interior decoration.

Martin is the pool shark of the bunch having grown up in the pubs of England. quite a smart fellow too as he is doing a Ph.d in genetics research I believe. This evening, he became the man to beat. Pretty much everyone he played in the first eight or nine games was sent packing in quick fashion including me. During one of my earlier games against someone else, I temporarily paused while sizing up a shot. I could feel a small sudden pain inside like before. It came on unexpectedly and I just waited for it to dissipate before continuing.

Some chinks in Martins armour started to show. Ida came close after repeated attempts before I finally beat him. Martin had jumped into a big lead as usual sinking most of his balls. I had to be selective with regards to where I left my ball after every shot. I managed to just about even the number of balls on the table before missing an easy side pocket. This left an open 8-ball for him to finish me off. So by the luck of the draw, he scratched the cue ball while sinking the 8-ball at the same time. His reign was over through his own miss! From then on the table was mine. This may sound like a great performance but the overall skill level of the group isn't very high including me. Regardless, whoever said that winning isn't everything?

Trying to Fix Things

It's been three days and I'm seeing some good signs lately. The nails on my toes are starting to grow normally like they used to ever since I began taking the pancreatic enzyme supplements. But my conclusion is still premature and more time is needed.

This evening I drove to my sister's place after training at the club downtown. Her boyfriend was having problems getting the cable internet setup on their laptop and the desktop pc was apparently affected by adware. I fixed the internet settings and had to turn off the firewall. As for the adware, it seemed like an easy fix. Whatever site they had looked at had changed their home page. I also installed Mozilla Firefox and suggested that they don't bother with Internet Explorer anymore.

At the office, stress is starting to show in the coworker beside me. We calculated that the company does not have enough revenue at this point to cover the payroll even if we managed to receive all of the invoices for the whole years sales. Somethings gotta give.

Then he also confided in me with his personal problems. A week after valentines and just hours before her birthday dinner, he had proposed to his girlfriend. The thing was that she basically made him as he really didn't want to. Any open discussion of his feelings in the situation seems to have been avoided between them for fear of ruining the 'status quo'. While I was trying to figure out good things to say to him, another coworker happened to walk by disturbing the privacy. It was Andrew and I decided to ask him about his current and previous marriage. His response wasn't what I wanted my other coworker to hear. Andrew was basically forced to marry both his previous and current wife. This was a bad example and didn't exactly help things. And to add to this, his friends all came forward and told him what a bad choice his first wife was after their divorce. No one said a word before. Based on a talk we had a few months ago when he was being pressured previously on the same issueby his girlfriend, I said to him that I really didn't want to influence his decision one way or the other but at the same time, I didn't want him to marry her just because he felt sorry for her. because of the tough time she's had in the past. That is unless they've already discussed this between them which I don't think they have. Our talk ended and he went to pick up his girlfriend, excuse me, make that his fiance, and the two of them went to her parents place for dinner. He asked her parents permission to marry their daughter and they gave their approval. I don't know if I've helped in this matter. It's like one child giving advice to another child.

Island Living

Only two weeks in and I've isolated myself from everyone so far this year. And in that time all I've done is work and watch a bunch of movies both new and old. Troy, Bad Santa, Pelican Brief, Horse Whisperer, 'Summer, Winter, Fall and Spring'. Some good movies in the bunch. Bad Santa was really idiotic but funny.

So if I just continue this way, I can be guaranteed of a 'long and stress free life' as the character Hugh Grant played said in the movie 'About A Boy'. My main mode of transportation is currently in the body shop and the ADSL line at home has been down for almost a week. This was close to island living until this morning when the antennae on my cell phone broke. Now it's island living. Too bad I don't have an Audi TT.

I am cold.

The lone crow stands on the dark snow. Evil waits for an opening. For the past few days, the first thing I see when I step outside the house is this very image. The same one over and over again. Here in the lunchroom at work, I put my lunchbox into the microwave. While closing the door, I see that the skin on the back of my hand is frighteningly pale. I am cold.

Last night I decided to try swimming at the Canada Games pool. After a few laps, I stopped for a rest before feeling temporarily disorientated and dizzy. With my back against the starting wall, I looked towards the deep end of the pool. There are numerous diving platforms ranging from one meter to five stories. On the shortest one, a large overweight man stands perched at the end causing the diving board to flex down quite far. Behind him is another very large overweight man. In total there are three taking turns displacing large amounts of chlorinated water from the pool. No one stops them. No one is on the highest platform either.

Outside there are more pools. The rain falls heavily and is constantly being pushed aside underneath the cars and people on the streets. It is cold.

The Mind Wanders

Quickly I crack the egg and remove the shell. At the same time I could hear the chickens outside scratching the door to the kitchen. I can't believe how loud these chickens are sometimes. Like who knows what they are doing? Flinging dirt? Kicking out small rocks as they dig themselves a nest possibly. And interestingly enough, this coming year is supposed to be the year of the you know what. So maybe it will be my brothers year for that is the sign which he was born under. The chicken. I will always refer to him as that instead of a rooster.

There was just enough time to drop the pants off at the alteration shop before having to pack up and speed up to Cypress Bowl Mountain for some night boarding. The gang was convening at a quarter past six. It takes approximately forty five minutes to get there and at five thirty, I was sitting in a huge line up before the Patullo bridge. Slowly I inched my way on and from a distance I could see a set of emergency arrow lights near the middle of the bridge. When I got closer the arrows had disappeared and all the cars in the right lane were merging into the left lane. Someone's corvette was parked and the driver was pacing behind his vehicle. Flames danced three to four feet above the cars engine compartment where the hood was raised up. I had never seen a real car fire this big before. Without rubbernecking too much, I took a photo from inside my truck except that I forgot to turn the flash off. I noticed on both sides of the bridge there were ambulances waiting incase the car exploded and caused any injuries to passersby. No fire trucks were at the scene yet.

I sped up to the top of the mountain in relative ease. The road was covered in fog and there was a descent amount of snow in the parking lot. This was the first time boarding this year and during the drive up I wasn't feeling very good. Still, I went on and took the chairlift up to the east side of the valley. Even though it was slightly busy, I ended up getting a quad chair all to myself as the people I thought I'd share the chair with wanted to sit alone. The ride up was nice. The slope beneath and in front of me was covered in darkness and some clouds. The air was cool and refreshing. You just wanted to take a few large breathes and just sit back and relax. Soon the night lamps near the top was in view signalling the end of the ride. I had a small fall as I rode off the chairlift but charged ahead down a blue run. Most of the people were heading down the green run so my path was pretty much empty except for the odd few people. Near the bottom, I saw someone lying down on the snow face first not really moving. I slowed down and asked him if he was injured to which he replied no. He was just goofing around. A voice from farther up then yelled at the person to move out of the way instead of just lying in the middle of the run. I proceeded to go down to the chairlift where I recognized one person which I was supposed to meet. Then the rest of the group showed up.

We all boarded together for the next hour or two before people started getting tired. The two beginners were beat and while they slowly made their way down the runs, I decided to practice riding fakey. In the end, there was only three of us left the runs got faster. The rest had gone in to the bar for a beer.

We packed it in after another two runs and everyone drove down to Pho's for vietnamese noodles. It was good and cheap. Better than the expensive burgers and fries on the ski hill grill nevermind the food in the bar. At the same time I told the group that I wouldn't be joining them on new years eve. I have been doing stuff with this group almost every second day since last Friday and it was almost like a vacation somewhere with a group of people. But all the activities has been wearing me down and I just wanted time to clear my head and think about what I wanted to do with my life. It almost seems like the group just lives to play everyday. So like Gambit, it seems that all I've known in the past was to work. I filled all my time up with work and couldn't fathom the thought of doing the complete opposite with this group. It all seems rather pointless.

An Interview with Gambit on that time of Life.

Gambit and LeanPorkLei:(Opening greetings)WaaaaaaazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

LeanPorkLei: Oh just taking a break from the other machine. It’s doing something which is taking a long time.

Gambit: Umm ok. Good luck!

LeanPorkLei: (returns from the washroom) I did it. It's all flushed away. The evidence has been disposed of.

Gambit: Wow! My evidence is getting brutal.

LeanPorkLei: Go see a doc. You've got more time now right?

Gambit: Kinda.

LeanPorkLei: Plus, you're no good to anyone dead to put it bluntly...

Gambit: Heh. Why don't I want to be dead though?

LeanPorkLei: Do you believe in reincarnation?

Gambit: Face it, Life doesn't have much meaning, at least currently.

LeanPorkLei: But?

Gambit: I don't mind if I found out I had ‘cancer’ and was going to die young because I've lived most of it. There's not much 'left' that I can see.

LeanPorkLei: No you haven't. That's because that’s all you can see...

Gambit: So what am I missing? Quite frankly, I’ve ‘done’ a ton.

LeanPorkLei: You haven't done two of the biggest things which practically everyone around you have.

Gambit: What?

LeanPorkLei: 1. have a long term relationship with a woman that is meaningful.

Gambit: and get married and have kids?

LeanPorkLei: 2. You said it. If you die, then it is only by your perogative.

Gambit: Well, what I'm saying is, I don't see any reason of how Life is 'more
interesting' the older I get. Like, what is there for me to learn? I’ve done all he sports, lead teams to championships, I’ve got my career, I’ve traveled and seen the world. If I hadn't traveled, there'd be a reason for living and seeing or exploring it. But as I see it, since I've ‘done’ most of the ‘important’ things, the ‘missing’ items remaining seem very trivial – eg. getting married and having kids. If you think about it, this equates to one long job, where it’s not about you, but about your spouse and kids. Essentially, you’re working to pay off a mortgage and raise kids. That's twenty-five plus years of commitment. It’s a ‘routine’ we get ourselves into.

LeanPorkLei: (pause) All in one’s own perspective.

Gambit: But do you know what I mean? See where I’m coming from? Doesn’t it make sense?

LeanPorkLei: But one point I disagree. Making it work. The twenty-five year job, keeping the relationship and the family working or functioning smoothly. Despite how you've done this and that you've still failed to even at least get a long term relationship working. The step before the marriage and kids can even happen. I think that will be the toughest job of all unless you've been subconsciously sabotaging all of your attempts at getting a relationship...

Gambit: Interesting point. I wonder if I am subconsciously sabotaging my relationships. I don’t think so. I just have high standards and perhaps live in a dream world. I want it all. I won’t settle. All I wanted was someone I loved to love me back as much as I loved her. I could settle….if I wanted to. I know I would make a good relationship person.

LeanPorkLei: It's not easy right?

Gambit: No. It's totally easy for me if I found someone to be with who was
interested in me. So easy! What I fear the most is that I'd get bored with that person. I like the chase! The excitement!

LeanPorkLei: So are you admitting that you purposely screw the relationship when it gets to the point that things seem possible?

Gambit: Nope! You kidding? I've never sabotaged anything.

LeanPorkLei: Or did all of your past attempts to win over some woman fail legitimately because the other guy won?

Gambit: More than anything I want right now is someone to share my life. My 20’s to 30’s…I’ve done so much. But sadly whomever I end up marrying, hasn’t shared in any of it. But I'm at the point where I realize that, y'know what? It may not happen. I may have been blessed in all other areas except finding that someone special that complements me. It just wasn't meant to be. And if I do find someone special, the idea of buying a place, and having kids seems very trivial to me now. Not sure if that's the right word but it seems very unrewarding.

I'm having the same conversations with friends. I see people doing things I've done already. I see how North America is run. It's all marketing. I see the patterns of life. I see how it works.

LeanPorkLei: What do you think of your little nieces and nephews?

Gambit: Love 'em.

LeanPorkLei: What do you like about them? Being around them? Playing with them?

Gambit: Seeing them grow. From birth to their current ages. Seeing how they progress through Life.

LeanPorkLei: There! You said it yourself! That's the exact same line that I hear out of everyone I know who is a parent or has kids - same thing. Despite all the bad things, whether it be family catastrophes, boredom, job stress etcetera. They all say that its all worth it just to see them grow up!

Gambit: Sure. So they grow up. That's the 20 year plan. After that, old age is feeble.

LeanPorkLei: So then you can die after that. There you go.

Gambit: Liferaft was complaining how his parents chide him for not calling and I was saying they don't have a purpose. As a Parent, your only purpose is your kids…because you spent ¼ or more of your life raising them. When you let go, and let them become their own or parents themselves, it’s a tough readjustment. Once the kids grow up, it's awfully lonely to realize they have not much left…so they ‘bicker’ to the kids or to get attention. To not be forgotten, not to be a relic – or inconsequential. That's why his parents call all the time. Face it, they have no interest in pop culture, marketing/advertising isn’t aimed at them anymore, they are a generation forgotten.

LeanPorkLei: So figure that out at that time or plan something to get over that problem later on if that is what you foresee. The choice is still yours. Die now or later. You still haven't done the most difficult stuff. Building the successful relationship and family stuff. Other than dealing with your dad... everything else you've done is superficial. It can be bought with money. Travelling, seeing things, doing whatever, just shell out the dough and its done. Relationships can't be bought.

Gambit: Interesting point!

LeanPorkLei: And it certainly won't be boring all of the time...

Gambit: But relationships and having kids, isn't that money too?

LeanPorkLei: Arguments, joy, highs and lows... yes.

Gambit: Having enough money can provide anything.

LeanPorkLei: But buying things doesn't keep it going. Just look at all the rich people who are screwed up.

Gambit: Rich people are screwed up because they don’t instill any values. As if I would follow those footsteps. I know where I came from, and I know I’m privileged. And I know with privilege comes responsibility. The more I see it, the more I think I really have very little left to do or see. Subconsciously, I’ve done a ton of stuff in my 20’s. From the 30’s onwards….it’s open season. I’m not sure what the reason is for living. So, if I knew I had cancer and was about to die, I think I wouldn’t be so freaked out. Again, if I hadn’t done all the things I have, I would feel Life was unfair. But….I have to say, I have had a blessed Life. The only failure? Nobody to share my Life with….

Things You Don't Like To Do

There's this new guy at the kickboxing club. We chit chatted a bit as he started telling me about his current school problems. Tonight, if he doesn't hand in his last matlab assignment, he will have no chance of passing the course which he has already dropped in first year university. He asked the administration office if he could drop it again the other day and they said no without getting an 'F' on his transcript. I don't know why he came to the club tonight. He should have stayed home to do his homework. He's still just in his second year trying to get a biochemistry degree but he just doesn't like his matlab class.

And why did he tell me all of this? Well I told him that I had to learn matlab for one of my courses before as well. In the end, the advice which he was probably looking for wasn't the one that I was going to give him. Basically there are things in life which you just have to do no matter how much you dislike it. It's like doing chores for some people. And for first or second year university students, it's the dreaded courses which you don't care for because it doesn't directly relate to what you really want to study. If you can learn to just put aside the negative thoughts preventing you from doing it in the first place, you'd probably have a much easier time of doing it. Detach the emotional self from the unbearable task and it becomes bearable. Barely... Nike got it right. Just do it.

And with those words, my newfound friend thanked me and went home to somehow try to finish the last assignment. His final exam is this saturday. Unfortunately at the same, all I could think of was the words god help him.

The Patient II

I sat there looking at the screen with all the air canada flights as the minutes ticked by. It might have been just in time for the last day of an art gallery showing for someone I met before. In the end, I decided not to afraid to end up seeing the reality of the situation. Uselessly hanging on to opportunities already lost, I need to stop being so impulsive.

I also passed up on the trip to whistler this weekend having free accomodations at a hotel which might have been nice. There was an event up there called Whistler Cornucopia Food and Wine festival. Many of the events were quit expensive to get into and as much as I'd like to get into the whole wine tasting thing, it probably would not have been very smart on my part.

I did a bit of early Christmas baking supply shopping at the local supermarket and while there, ran into a young east indian woman and her son. She looked as though she had been following me as she asked if I was chinese first. She then showed me a package of dried chow mein and asked me if I could verify that it was authentic chinese noodles. I looked at the package and noticed that it was made by an indian company. Then I asked her if they were planning on eating it within a day or if she was planning on storing it for a longer period of time. She responded by saying that it was for her friend who had asked her to pick it up for dinner that evening. I then recommended a brand in the refrigerated section where they had some freshly made noodles. I bid her good luck and as I left, her little son just stood there staring at me.

Afterwards I went to the auto supplies section and I found something which looked like it could clean out the engine. It was described as a tune up in a can. I bought it plus a three pack of extra concentrated fuel injector cleaner. The results were pretty good within ten minutes of adding the two liquids into my truck. The engine ran a tad smoother, there was less noise and the power also seemed to improve. A couple more doses of this should do the trick. The additives were supposed to dissolve and remove carbon deposits and gum. So on sunday, I decided to try one of those quick lube places to get rid of all the dirt in my oil. I didn't have a dry place to do the oil change myself and nothing else was open. It wasn't bad as when I got there, they told me to drive into one of the service bays right away. At first I hesitated asking for the price of the service and what was included before doing ahead. No other vehicles were there except for mine at the time. In the ground beneath my truck was a large opening where a person could work on you from below. I was instructed to remain in my truck and was given free coffee or water and a copy of the Province newspaper. I asked for water declining the latter and proceeded to flip through the paper. Meanwhile the truck moved from the serviceman's tool and people ran around in front and below.

On the front page there's a story about Dominic Mobilio the young soccer star dying of a sudden heart attack at the age of 35. I didn't bother to read the actual story and continued through when I came across another story of a man who died of heart failure. It was his second artificial heart. His original heart had been damaged from a viral infection.

The oil change was surprisingly fast. Although I suspect that they had started working on it as soon as my truck was in position while the crew manager kept me occupied by continuously trying to goad me into buying every other service package they had available. I'll try the oil change this time but nothing else. These quick lube places don't have professionally trained technicians and a review of my bill showed that they didn't know which make and model of vehicle I was driving.

In a parallel or symbolic way, it was revealed that the internal damage has been greater than I expected. No more wind in my sails for now as a part of the engine inside me needs repair. Come on body. Don't fail me now.

PreStep

The dilemma continues to occupy my mind while I sit here listening to the Stevie Nicks song over and over. After work, I raced over to the nursing home to install the new control board for the central vacuum system before heading across town to the Coliseum. I was going with some people whom I don't normally hang out with to watch a Vancouver Giants hockey game. The NHL is on strike so the only other game in town are the bantam or major juniors. I'm not too clear on the different levels but they're one below the ranksof the draftees I believe. The game was horrible. The home town Giants lost five to zero and the seats we had were really cramped. Some of the people in the group are rather big and/or tall and the our legs were squished against the seats in front of us. Luckily, those seats were never sold so we just rested our legs on top of them.

After the game, we went to Oscars for some drinks. That would be ok except that I shouldn't or can't really drink. The place was packed so it took us a while to get a table with enough seats. It was ten cent wings night so we ordered about four dozen in total. I had twelve hot wings and man, they were really hot. No one else ate much of the hot ones except for one other person. He had two dozen. By the time I got through my seventh one, the nerves in my mouth had probably been singed to the point that the heat didn't bother me any more. Eating the rest of my dozen became easy in the end. As the group sat there at the table and looked around, we all noticed an older group of people who looked pretty sad. Sad as in if we looked and did what they were doing by the time we were forty, we would want someone to shoot us. They were totally out of shape, a bit drunk, dressed awful. There's something to be said about trying dressing somewhat descent in a bar without your flesh hanging out. On that note, we got up and called it a night. No one wanted to stay up much later even though it was a holiday the next day.

I think I might go into work tomorrow regardless. I only have one and a half vacation days to use for the next six months so finding a suitable long weekend to use maximize it on will be tough. This weekend would have been good since the holiday plus my vacation day would have given me a four day opening. Either that or I just create the vacation time.

So what is it exactly that I want to do with my time? Hold on while I click the play button on the Stevie Nicks song again.

Stand Back

I listen to one of Stevie Knicks songs on her solo album. What a great song. And there's a small story behind it.

Stevie was driving down the coast of California at the time. On her way to the recording studio in LA I think. And while cruising along, she was listening to Prince's "Red Corvette". This is what gave her the idea for her song as she began coming up with the lyrics which sort of followed Prince's song as well. Upon reaching her destination (no cell phones at that time), she got on the phone and called Prince leaving a message. Prince returned the call within the hour.

Stevie told Prince about how the song inspired her with her own and so shortly after, Prince made the journey to Stevie Knicks recording studio. He came, sat down in front of the keyboard and quickly came up with the "de-de-de-de" fast low synthesizer base line of the song. Then he got up and walked out of the studio never to see her again.

Stand back. I will stand back.

Check Baggage for Trip.

I've been utterly shocked and stunned for the past two days. As I'm about to embark on a ship, I received an email from Maui. It's the first contact for quite sometime bringing up a wave of emotions which have left me confused and unsure of what to think. She's started getting her art displayed at an exhibit on the island as well as having entered her work into an art contest.

Way back when I booked today's excursion, I always thought that it would have been the ideal trip for us. For her son as well especially with Disneyland had things worked out. Still, it was just a mass email. A way for people to just keep in touch like sending out the occasional joke to all your friends. People whom you don't always see or get a chance to see too often.

The ship is boarding soon. My spirits will not be dampened.

Just a few days gone by.

Last weekend a bunch of us went bowling for Ida's birthday. Everyone bowled really bad as I remember higher scores from my junior high school field trip to the local lanes. Larry had developed his signature move. The ball pretty much doesn't touch the floor until nearly halfway down. That is some majore airtime. It started out as two mixed groups. Then we changed it to the guys against the girls with each team using their own bowling lane. It was really exciting as each team taunted the other. I was one of the three guys who kept our score average up while the ladies only had one person who carried their team. She was way ahead of us. In the end, it came down to the last try by one of our weakest guys. After a quick pep talk, he threw that ball and for once, got a strike. That's all we needed as we beat the women by half a point. And to make things more incredible, the scores were getting lower across the board as everyone was drinking beer. Well, at least the guys. Everyone did have shooters except for me. Me and my condition. I suppose I should have a reason for my lower score.

The Anticipation is building. Just one more regular work day to get through and a day of tying things up before it's time to set sail. I just have to make sure I keep the gravol pills nearby at all times. Even amidst all the tension around the office of late, I won't let it get to me. And as I had foresaw, my coworker did not get the job he had interviewed for. In fact, I told him an hour before his headhunter told him the bad news. My thoughts were confirmed earlier in the day when I saw that the company had lowered their guidance numbers for the next few quarters. His project would be cancelled.

After telling my coworker about how I had guessed that he was not going to get the job, I then told him that when the time comes, I will tell him how I guessed everything would work out. With his job, and with everything else. He was so frustrated and disappointed. Like being in and prison hoping that you will finally be approved for parol...

My boss came back a few days late this week after his heart surgery. Apparently, he was looking rather pail last thursday before he disappeared to the hospital for an emergency procedure. For eleven hours, a team of doctors ,technicians and nurses worked on him. Using probes inserted through various parts of the body all aimed at the arteries around his heart. They would move it here, move it there. Ask him to drink a mouthful of water and watch it go through his system on the monitors. Sometimes they would all huddle together away in the corner so that my boss couldn't hear what they were saying. A few minutes later they would break and come back for the 'next play'. How unnerving I thought.

Today we had our usual extended lunch hour. The other engineers and I decided to try the food court at the new mall down the street. Aberdeen mall wasn't very old to begin with but the owners tore it down and built a bigger one in its place. Unfortunately, the place is half empty even though it has been open for half a year. Many of the units haven't even been leased yet let alone completed. Still it has some nice architectural features and decor. The food court is located on the third floor and consists of all asian restaurants. All except the lone Crepe stand. We each chose something from a different vendor and ate at a spot directly in front. I watched just three people stop at the Crepe stand. One was a little girl who didn't order anything but just stood there and talked to the young lady working the front counter. Then a real customer came and ordered a coffee drink followed by an older woman who bought an actual Crepe. I don't think the Crepe stand is going to survive.

Beside the food court there was a large opening where you could look down to the two levels below. At the bottom was a long oval fountain complete with a large array of nozzles and lights. It reminded me of the fountains in front of the Las Vegas Bellagio hotel except not quite as big for obvious reasons. And along the perimeter of each floor was a ring of loud speakers and more lights which can be rotated every which way. This place was designed with some serious community performances in mind. More so than any other mall I have ever seen.

At kick boxing this evening, I got paired up with Tara. She's a good looking young woman and we chat every now and then. Sometimes she doesn't say anything. Instead, she just looks at me as I stare at her before she just giggles. I don't know why she does this other than maybe she likes me a little or I just look funny. There was also two new members in the class. They were both spanish speaking bringing the total to three. It seems like I'm being surrounded by spanish lately. My mother started taking some spanish lessons and asked me to copy the language audio cd's which she had. I kept a copy for myself. Then my coworker and his girlfriend started some spanish classes so I made a copy for them. One of Tara's friends was just over from Spain visiting and now these two new guys who are from south or latin america. This must be my cue to start learning.

adios...

The Owl and the Engineer

Walking out to my truck, I looked over and saw Jeff at the edge of the ravine. Smoking a cigarette, he stands rather tall and has a slight build. It was hot outside so he wasn't wearing a shirt revealing the multitude of tattoos on his body. One could easily picture him with a headband and a Harley Davidson except that he isn't overweight. Jeff recently checked himself into the drug detox program because he needed to clean himself up. He had a family to take care of and his construction boss also told him to do it also. When he told me this and a bit of his life history, I could see that he was basically a good person despite his problems. Doing cochaine, he didn't use the really hard stuff life injecting drugs.

The other day, Jeff had asked if I was willing to buy all the things needed to rebuild the gazebo in the backyard of the rental property. It is old and resembles the leaning tower of Pizza. Mike the manager of the detox facility had told him that I was open to this sort of arrangement. Paying for the material while the tenant(s) did the work to do whatever modifications to the house or yard. In return all I had to do was buy Jeff a couple of six packs as he was more than happy to do it out of the kindness of his heart. He was a professional framer by trade which is why he knew how to rebuild the aging gazebo.

I called over to him as I was about to get in my truck to drive to Home Depot and pick up the building material. He and one of the other residents were looking at a bird in a tree nearby. I walked over and stood by Jeff to see that a huge owl was sitting calmly about ten feet in front of us on a branch. Its eyes were heavily accented by the large circular patterns in the feathers around each one. Jeff wanted a picture of it so that he could blow it up on a 11 x 17 sheet and draw it. All I had was my point and shoot which he thought was fine. Even though he had a Minolta SLR with a 200mm zoom lens which he didn't know how to use. It was an old manual camera given to him by his father. I took a few shots with my camera and during the whole time when we were clambering around in the bushes to get a good position, the owl did not move. It just sat there motionless and unperturbed.

When I returned with the supplies, Jeff had already torn down most of the old roof. As we unloaded everything from my truck, I found out that he already knew that I was an engineer. He knew another engineer who used to check his work and got along well with that guy. Whenever that engineer did his inspections on Jeffs framing work and found something not up to par, he would give Jeff some room to fix it. That way all the work wouldn't just get failed. So Jeff thought that I did structural engineering but I told him that I worked for a high tech company. Regardless, his heart was in the right place and I know that I can count on his work. From the window above the kitchen sink, I can see down into the backyard where the construction is taking place. I can do my daily inspection of the project. ;)

Incidentally, 'The Owl and the Engineer' is also the name of an old restaurant which one of my high school friends parents used to own. My friends had a dinner and dance there once and I think I might even have been there. Strange that I can not remember this particular instance in my life.

Transitions

It is now 5:36 late afternoon and a voice finally appears on the phone. I have been waiting for nearly one full hour to speak to someone on the Primus customer service line. I wanted to cancel the long distance plan on my cell phone. I think I only used it a handful of times this year but as I waited there, I thought back to the past which was not that long ago really. A voice in all its clarity as I find that I still miss Maui. The last of the tiny threads is now cut.

Things are changing. Everyone around me is changing jobs or changing situations. My position though at times may be on thin ice is still transforming without having to leave the company. Last Friday I was almost on the verge of leaving when I decided to hold up and approach the problems with my managers from a different view.

If there is a problem, don't look elsewhere for someone to blame. Start with yourself and see what you can do to avoid it in the first place. We can't expect others to change so either we change or we move on. Then we work on the other person if we choose to. After giving other people advice on negotiating, I finally started to practice the advice myself.

Another key point is to not make decisions based on emotions whenever the business world is involved. Use practicality and rational thought. So I've hung in there with my company for quite some time now and now I need to slowly work my negotiating skills and techniques to convince management without stepping on their toes. Even though I've already angered them.

I am risking alot but it'll work out in one way or another I believe. And when all is said and done, I plan to have a new job description. Officially that is. If not, then it will be time to move on. I may move on even if it is successful.

Midweek Crisis

It's official now. We are the worst team in our division. Tuesday we played the only other team who has not won a single game except for one which was by default. The other team forfeited for whatever reason I think.

During the game, it was interesting watching them. They sort of look like us. They have some very weak players like we do. Their pitcher seems just as slow and lethargic as ours. But overall, they still play better than us. Nevertheless, the game was great fun.

A thought occurred to me yesterday. Summer is practically upon us and I haven't planned anything. Everyone else has been planning camping trips and other such getaways while time and life seems to almost pass me by. The network of friends, contacts and seemingly random meetings is the current which pushes me along in the river of life. One of these days, I need to choose my own stream and see who will swim with me.

Speaking of swimming, I went to a free educational seminar on trading this evening. Even though I didn't sign up for any of their products or courses the speaker was enthusiastic enough that he gave a lot of very good information. It reassured me with some of the things which I was already doing while at the same time pointing out things which I was doing wrong. Just a few more pointers to help me avoid all the sharks which lurk in these waters.

Tomorrow a few of us will be taking a beginners climbing course. An old friend of mine is returning from the states and he's planning on taking us on a small climb in Squamish. I need to find a place which will rent me some climbing shoes.