Lei

10,000 ppl and the non-mutant

Sitting there in the office, I clench the small sponge object in my hand watching the arteries and veins in my arm become more pronounced and defined. The sponge is red and formed in the shape of a liver. How cute.

My arm is stretched out on the table in front of me and I can feel the needle come closer and closer to my skin. Lined up with the one large artery across the middle of the joint, it punctures me and the pain accompanying it is immediately felt before dissipating soon after.

"There now, that wasn't so bad was it?" the nurse says to me. "How are you feeling now? Do you still get the pains and discomfort? Is anything bothering you."

There was a lot of things bothering me but I didn't mention any of it. Some totally unrelated to my health.
"No. I'm ok." I told the nurse.
"Lets see. Did we get your ultrasound...."
"I'm not sure. I think you did but can't remember exactly when it was done."
"It says here sometime back in january. Ha! You don't even remember having your ultrasound exam."
I didn't feel embarassed for some reason. It didn't matter too much to me with the way I felt at present.
"The report says that everything looked fine except for some polyps which they found in your gall bladder."
"Polyp's? What are those?"
She drew a small diagram resembling an untied balloon with some small nodules on the inside of the walls.
"It's like that."
"So should I be concerned?"
"Well, I'm not exactly sure but no, not really. Sometimes they can become cancerous but that is rare."
"I'd like to keep it rare thank you." I became a little bit concerned but not much.
"Everything else looks good. The ALT and AST's all look fine. This one reading is a bit high but we expect that for your kidneys when you're on this medication."
I continued to just sit there and listen. What was I going to do? Complain?
"And looking at the viral count, its coming down quite nicely." This was the only thing which made me feel better about the drugs and herbs that I was taking. Over a year ago, the viral load was somewhere around 775,000 ppl of blood. The next test it dropped down to 250,000 ppl of blood with the most recent one being only around 10,000 ppl of blood. So hopefully, if all goes as it has, we should see virtually zero amount of virus found in my blood with the sample I have just given today.

I watch as the blood rushes into the test tube via the syringe. Quickly it becomes filled and the nurse pulls the tube out for capping, then the needle out of my arm.

"Are you okay with continuing to take the lamivudine?" she asks me.
"Yes. I can handle it" with a bit of hesitation.
"It has been quite effective at controlling the virus for many of our patients. For those with problems, we have this other new drug here." She points to a fancy glass block on her desk with the name of the new drug and its side effects etched on the front surface.
"It costs $1600 per month. Many of our patients are asian and most don't have extended health coverage. Many operate their own businesses and...oh I don't know where they get their money from. Whatever the case, it's expensive."
"I don't think I will need to or want to go on that new drug" I told the nurse.
She smiles.
"We currently only have one person on it. If not that, then there really isn't anything else on the market which we can use with great effectiveness. This new drug only has a three percent cure rate so it isn't very cost effective. We are finding that Lamivudine and our other drug to be the best at present. Except for the possibility that the virus can mutate with Lamivudine."
We passed the typical time when the virus would mutate many months ago and nothing happened. This was good. I fully expect that todays blood samples will produce as expected results and I have become eager at the thought of not having to pay for any more prescriptions of Lamivudine. I don't even want to entertain the thought of paying $1600 per month for some new medicine that has such a low rate of complete success. It's just like the big drug companies to do this.

A Date with the Toilet

*hoooouuuueeeeehhhh... hoooouuuueehh*

"hehhh...hehhh... hehhh..."

Slowly I breathed to settle down and relax again. The saliva from my mouth tastes awful and I couldn't smell anything. This is rather fortunate because I didn't want to smell what was in front of me.

Everything I ate for the past day or so came out. Despite how little it was, it seemed like it would never stop. As the process went on, all I could think was - I hope this never happens again. At least its just a flu. That's what the doctor thought when he made the housecall.

*hooouuuueeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh*

Dr. Yan has been our family doctor for many years. To this day, he still makes house calls for us despite my mothers over reaction whenever I get sick.
"Oh he's got a fever. Do you have a flashlight?" he asked.
I pulled out my small LED lamp and he used it to look inside my mouth.
"What is Lei doing these days?" asked Dr. Yan to my mother.
"He just helps out with the family business. I clipped out this engineering job ad for him. I thought he could apply for it." replied my mother.
"Oh I didn't know he had so much free time. Does he know how to fix boilers and other mechanical stuff? I have a mushroom farm that needs some work on its boilers."
I hesitated before responding.
"Well, not quite but could probably figure it out. You should probably just get an engineer who specializes in thermodynamics." I told him.
"Oh he can fix the hot water tank. I'm sure he can help you with your farm" my mother assured him.
Dr. Yan scribbled out a prescription and started to leave.
"Well Lei, let me know when you get better so you can get your flu shots. Then you can come and work on my mushroom farm. There's lots of work there. Enough for full time."
Not exactly the type of work I envisioned myself doing. I didn't respond and just sighed. I picked up the piece of paper with the prescription and tried to read it. I couldn't.

I've been looking at the toilet too much lately. I'm tired of it. It is so disgusting yet my body is constantly drawn back to expel content into it. Why should I respect it so much. I cleaned it today. Antibacterial bathroom spray, bleach, pinesol, the whole nine yards. I cleaned it because it deserves to be respected for doing what it does. Taking away all the garbage and crap that we don't want to remove ourselves safely. Yet I will not put my head in it and hug that bowl the way they do in the movies. Would you? This sick person wouldn't.

During this time, I haven't bothered to shave. So I have wondered what people in the stores would think if I went to one to purchase an electric shaver. However, I did do a bit of grocery shopping and now I feel a bit dizzy. Left to my own devices what could possibly happen.

Last day I mentioned that I would watch the last episode of the bachelor. That was a huge mistake as I think it just made me more sick. Two hours of endless dribble from Moana. She kept dodging all the questions being thrown at her by the bachelor and his parents. Thank god thats over. I wonder what happened to all the other bachelor couples from previous series?

At dim sum with my family, my sister looked at me and said "Lei, is something wrong with your skin? It looks like it's dry." Nobody else at the table seemed to think so and neither did I. A week later she showed up with a Dermalogica skin care package for normal to dry skin. How utterly metrosexual of her to think of me. In it was a gentle cream exfoliant, multi-active toner, intensive moisture balance, special cleansing gel, skin smoothing cream, hydrating masque and everything else a woman would want for their skin except for actual make up. Like I'm going to spend my time going through skin revitalization rituals. I think I just need to shave first. Anyone need a Dermalogica skin care package? It comes with a vinyl pouch with a see through top so you can see everything inside.

The LAIR Centre

That's the liver and intestinal research centre and my appointment last thursday was with Dr. Frank Anderson. The meeting was quite educational as he explained to me alot more things in detail than the general physicians which I have been seeing. During our discussion, a receptionist came in with a womans file requesting that the doctor look at it right away. Apparently, a fifty year old woman wanted to use invitro fertilization but had 'just' found out that she had hepatitis. Her question was if it was safe for her to still go through with the procedure and wanted the answer right away. After the receptionist left, the doctor just looked at me and shook his head.

I noted a few things which was quite useful.

1. The inside diameter of the bile duct is approximately the size of a dime. I forgot to ask how flexible or pliable the duct wall is as this would determine how large an object could be passed through from the liver and gall bladder.

2. There are no nerves inside the liver. So all the small pin point like pain sensations which I have been experiencing can only be caused by the liver enlargening and becoming stretched on the outer surface or maybe a membrane surrounding the liver organ or upper cavity.

3. The drug Heptovir or Lamuvidine which was administered to me has a higher success rate than Interferon. However, there are newer drugs in various testing stages right now which appear to be much more effective. The two which he mentioned are Entecavir and Adefovir. Both are available in North America but not covered under Pharmacare in Canada. The cost of these drugs is still high of course. Thanks to my medical insurance coverage, the last three month prescription bill for Heptovir was only 95 CDN dollars instead of the full price of 476 CDN dollars. The two new ones are equally if not more expensive. Keep in mind that I do not have to take both drugs.

4. Here's the kicker. The general physician who prescribed heptovir for me failed to tell me this one aspect and nor did the pharmacy. Apparently, after a full year of taking this drug, there is a fifty percent chance that the virus will transform into a mutant virus. At present, there is no cure for this mutant virus and the damage done by the mutant virus is unknown. Thank you giant pharmaceutical company! Note the sarcasm. So while I have only taken Heptovir for a few months in the past year, I may be signing subsequent entries on this blog site with the name MutantNinjaLei instead of LeanPorkLei.

While explaining all this to me, doctor Anderson took a handful of vials filled with my blood. Next appointment is in one month unless the blood test reveals something new.

I skipped work in the morning to go to this appointment and when I got into the office later, management gave me flak for being absent. They also gave me flak for my extended lunch the day before when I was providing an ear for my coworker and his pre-marriage woes. Just wonderful...

ALT & AST Levels Updated

Things are better but it still hurts. My liver enzyme levels have gone back to normal and my alternative health theory is not conclusive. Neither is the drug treatment. Next month it will be an appointment with a hepatitis specialist. I think I know more of whats happening than my current doctor as he was rather indecisive with the Heptovir prescription.

There was a side benefit to being sick back in late December in that some of my other surface symptoms had stopped as my body fought to heal my liver. Now that it may seem ok, those symptoms have returned. The general practitioner just strugged it off when I told him. this is the bandaid health system of today in our province.

The drug also has some side affects all of which I have been struggling with. This is the warning label on the prescription.

Lamivudine (aka Heptovir in Canada as well as a few other trade names)

"WARNING: Lamivudine has caused severe, even fatal, liver and blood acid-base problems (lactic acidosis).
IMmediately notify your doctor if you develop dark urine, unusual fatigue, yellowing of the skin or yees, rapid breathing, drowsiness, muscle aches, or stomach/abdominal pain.
...
SIDE AFFECTS: Headache, nasuea, vomiting, diarrhea, insomnia, change in appetite, dizziness, weakness or muscle aches may occur. If these symptoms continue or become severe, inform your docotr.
Notify your doctor if you experience: a skin rash, fever, chills, stuffy nose, cough, stomach pain, severe weakness, unusual fatigue, tingling of the hands or feet, rapid breathing, dark urine, yellowing of the eyes or skin.
changes in body fat may occur while you are taking this medication (e.g. increased fat in the upper back and stomach areas, decreased fat in the arms and legs). The cause and long-term effects of these changes are unknown. Discuss the risks and benefits of therapy with your doctor, as well as the possible role of exercise to reduce this side effect.
...
If you notice other effects not listed above, contact your doctor or pharmacist.
...
This is a potent medication which should not be shared. Do not allow anyone else to take your medication."

I've experienced many of these symptoms and they are not fun. The last one is kind of funny. I wouldn't share this drug with anyone. For now, everything will remain the status quo (combination therapy) until the meeting with the specialist.

The Patient Part III

I managed to force myself to sleep earlier this time except that it was no good. I just ended up laying awake at an earlier time also. My mind felt like it was buzzing with energy yet there was nothing purposeful to think about. Continuing to lie there seemed pointless so I got up. I drank the hot chinese herbal medicine and read for a while before driving to the biomedical lab.

It was quick. The parking lot was virtually empty and no lineups inside. The nurse inserted the syringe into my arm before pushing a one tube to be filled with my blood. That was all. Usually they take up to six or seven vials.

I drove to work right after and only one other person was in the office. My head started hurting a bit and I felt strange.

The results from the blood test just before xmas was greatly improved. Both the ALT and AST enzyme levels have dropped dramatically after four weeks of a healthy eating combined with continuous very weak liver flush solutions, one week of chinese herbal medicine and one week of the Heptovir pills. The Anti-HBe was still non-reactive leaving my doctor puzzled as to why the enzyme levels had shot up before. In hind site I know why. Pure physical damage to parts of my liver will cause it to generate more enzymes. The enzymes do not increase because the virus is there or has been recognized by the body. That is the theory.

The multiple spots of pain in my liver have virtually disappeared but something is still going on inside. I can feel it. The dull throbbing in the middle of my back. To me, it feels like a semi-blocked duct or something to that effect.

In the Key of C - A Star

Flakes of snow drop slowly and there is a silence in the air. In the small pockets between the clouds you can see some diamondlike crystals in the sky. I see one carat, two carat and three carat stars partially hidden in a thin hazy mist. It is calming and it is not. My breathe is quietly strained and constricted.

The drive into work was painless as there was just enough drivers to fill up the roadway. Twenty minutes pass by and the office is empty. At 7am, I am the only one there. Sometimes one or two other people come in this early but the normal start is still a few hours away. I heat up a cup of hot water and settle down at my desk. Not much has been accomplished after the xmas holidays. Instead, I only just got my machine working again after finally figuring out what was wrong with it.

8:15pm: The first coworker shows up and he occupies a cubicle besides me. He is curious as to why I am there instead of my usual tardy hour.

At 16, she got into a car accident and had to be admitted into the emergency department of a local hospital. The doctors decided that she needed a blood transfusion and thus began a lifelong struggle. She was the first known person to be recognized as having hepatitis C in Canada and or its medical community at large. For many years, they tried various ideas including removing parts of her organs and administering test drugs to help her without realizing that it was a viral infection. Screening tests were just being developed to prevent future blood recipients from being infected. Her parents were outraged when they realized it all started with the transfusion using a tainted supply. The disease made her tired and sick all the time. She eventually stopped allowing the doctors from using her as a guinea pig to learn from.

Many doctors today still don't know how to recognize or handle this disease. Her doctor is now a hepatitis specialist. She is approximately sixty years old now and considerred by many in the medical community to be an extraordinary case because she has survived for so many years. Yet has still not been compensated for the mishap all those years ago although it is being considerred this year by the government. She currently produces a newsletter for hepatitis sufferers. At first, it was mostly based on her experience. Later she realized that different hepatitis types produced different symptoms and so changed the content of her newsletter accordingly.

Surprisingly, her two children were born with autoimmunity to hepatitis C and numerous other diseases. Today, the doctors still don't know how or why they were not infected. One of them has been quietly sitting in the cubicle besides me for the past five years.

The Experiment - Take #

I had the prescription filled. A tiny bottle containing one hundred tablets of a rather expensive drug which my doctor wanted me to take but I have other ideas. If you look at the previous blog with the enzyme levels, you'll see that I was able to reduce the levels down to within the recommended range before. I purposely did that test a week or so after a liver flush. My doctor at the time would not divulge to me how successful I was. Only that I needed to be on these expensive drugs. I was only able to see the raw data the other week when I requested copies of all the results. I conferred with a chinese herbal doctor about my theories and methodologies and she told me that maybe I had only found a way to purge my system of the infection but not inhibit its growth. This leads me to my current theory where I need to follow through on the whole program which was taught to me by the wholistic practitioner. It is mentally tough for me because its almost like having to fast or not eat normal food like everyone else for at least one week, if not more. Now that we are in christmas season, it will be even more difficult to stay away from all the holiday treats. But ignore it I must for the success of my experiment depends on it. It's either one or two weeks of a strict diet or one or two years giving money to my favourite giant pharmaceutical company.

On two previous attempts at this program, I had seen signs of iminent success until I basically caved in. The temptation was simply more than I could handle.
The experiment begins.

Historical Review of AST and ALT Enzyme Levels

Have you ever wondered what they do with your blood when you give it to a lab? For me, there's usually a standard set of tests performed and the list is rather long depending on the laboratory and the machine used. Below are five of these categories. For all you doctor types out there, yes there may be errors in the list below. Remember, I'm not one myself.

1. Hematology Panel: WBC, RBC, HGB, HCT, MCV, MCH, MCHC, PLT

2. Differentials: Neutrophils, Lymphocytes, Monocytes, Eosinophils, Basophils

3. General Chemistry: Bilirubin, ALK PHOS,GAMMA GT, LDH, ALT, AST, TSH, Cholesterol, Triglyceride, VLDL Choesterol, HDL Cholesterol, LDL Choesterol

4. Coagulation: INR

5. Tumour Markers: AFP(Alpha Fetoprot.)

I've collected the data for most of the items above as well as some others but the only ones which really mattered are the ALT and AST.

Below is a graph of their levels versus testing date over the past few years. I have not been consistent in getting the testing done but there may be sufficient data to draw some kind of inference.

The recommended levels for AST and ALT are shown in the legend on the right. Although I was able to get the levels down for a while, the most recent test showed that something had changed as I am clearly off the chart. In both cases I am approximately twenty to twenty five times the norm.

Health and Fitness

I turned on the tv and on the learning channel was a documentary about a three way liver transplant. A man was donating half his liver to another guy whose heart was weak. This second guy was donating his complete sub-functioning liver to a woman. Not exactly what I wanted to see. This afternoon I received a call from the doctors office asking me to make an appointment. At first this worried me but I remembered from before that its just standard procedure. With all the government crack down on healthcare spending, many doctors have stopped reporting test results over the phone. Instead, patients are forced to come in just so they can say "its negative" or "your results are good" and "there's nothing to worry about". That way they can officially bill that time to the government. I called back and made an appointment for this coming saturday. Then I scheduled a new ultrasound exam for wednesday so that the results would be sent to the doctors office before my appointment.

We got a brief taste of snow today. I'm not sure what I'll do if I have to keep driving the TL since I found out that my friend wants to borrow my truck for a few more weeks. It snowed lightly on the way to downtown. I trained at the kick boxing club after work even though I was really tired. It's been a long time and just the two women were still there. The dancer and the PhysEd student/horse jockey apprentice. They've been with the club for a few years. The other two people were newbies and made to train separately. I'm finding that the Muay Thai classes aren't able to keep their students while the ground fighting classes enjoy a relatively good steady attendance. I had been contemplating quiting the school though. The instructor asked me to kick the bag on my own after class since I hadn't been there for a while. It felt good.

The Patient II

I've switched to drinking orange juice because I got sick of all the apple juice. The nausea is in the middle of my back and in my head. Every morning when I get into the office, I spend about an hour or two just sitting there with this horrible feeling inside. It comes and goes throughout the day like the tide.

Last night I lay in bed not completely able to sleep with all the discomfort in me. Just breathing seemed like a strain as with every exhale, I was losing a piece of me.

My brother came by today after work. He just sold his old 4Runner and is in the process of buying a new one. And at the same time, he finally proposed to work on selling his old Chevette which has been sitting in the garage for years. Maybe I will finally have a safe place to store a motorcycle. Maybe one day I will buy one.

Yesterday my mother bought me one of those contoured foam pillows and coincidentally enough, my neck has been bothering me for the past couple of weeks from not sleeping right. Everyone's reading my mind.

On Dying

This topic has always been on my mind for as long as I can remember. Ever since my father died I have always wondered if I would follow him in his footsteps. I've had temporary bouts of nausea for the past week and I rarely get the flu or a even the common cold. Chatting over the net with Gambit this afternoon, I found it interesting that he was ok with dying young. Back in first year university, I remember telling someone that I didn't expect to live a really long life. Maybe until forty at the time and now, I would have to agree with Gambit. I would be complacent with dying young as well.

The liver is the largest organ in the body and because so, one could live normally with just twenty percent of it functioning and not detect any signs of failure. I found an excellent reference book called The First Principles of Gastroenterology. It looks like some sort of standard first year medical text book. The language is more easily understandable compared to your standard medical literature. Chapter 14 was my first section of interest. The associated symptoms of known liver diseases and methods of cure. And what I find interesting is the connecting functions of the neighboring organs down the GI tract. Everything needs to work in harmony together or the balance is lost. Gambit's current problems appears to be associated with the lower gastrointestinal bleeding. Completely curable in my opinion but don't quote me on it. I'm not a doctor.

I think I'm almost at the same age that my father died when he succumbed to liver disease. I was only six at the time and while standing at the foot of the hospital bed, the doctor had asked me if I wanted my father to live. My brother was standing beside me gave me a knudge to say no. I remembered this for a long time and resented my brother for it. Maybe my memory was just a really bad distorted fantasy in my head. I told this story to the wholistic doctor before and she told me that it was an angel asking me the question. The reason being that sometimes children have not yet developed their protective psychological walls imposed on them by society and fear. The other reason I thought this didn't make sense is why would a doctor even ask such a question to a family or children. Who knows? All I do know is that I still feel a bit sick.

Fishin

A side affect of this procedure is not so much insomnia but the lack of a need to sleep. In fact, last night I only slept four hours. Got up early for once and went to work. I had packed some bottles of vegetable and fruit juices to take to work. During the middle of the day I started getting cravings for real food like nuts or chips or anything for that matter. I decided to skip the Muay Thai class in favour of resting.

Did I tell you how wonderful solid food is? All the talk of fresh tuna and the taiwanese fishing boat has worked up my appetite. I once worked as a labourer on a fishing dock and my boss let me take home one whole fish. It was still firm and had no odor meaning it was really fresh and because it wasn't salmon, which is what we were sorting, they didn't want it. I think it was mackeral or maybe a small tuna but still just over a foot long.

I've been watching a lot of Iron Chef. The next trip to the sushi garden is already being planned.

The Doctor

He slept for eleven hours straight. Then woke up and got himself all cleaned up. His hair was pressed flat on his head as if he had worn a toque the whole time. During the course of the afternoon, he read some more of the investment trading book before falling back to sleep for another three or four hours. The night before, he read the latest edition of American Photo magazine.

We didn't see as much as we wanted so we'll have to continue the procedure again. That means a complete liquid diet for another day and to satisfy his cravings, he can watch Food tv. Eating can be psychological.

Prepare the extra virgin olive oil and lemon juice for tonight and make sure he goes to sleep early again.

The Patient I

I felt good enough to play hockey last night subbing in for a friend who is in Hawaii attending a wedding. In fact, I think my one goal was the winning goal but we couldn't quit figure it out after the game as it was overshadowed by a couple of players on the other team complaining over some penalties and semi questionable incidents on the ice. And while the one guy on the opposing team tried to put up a small fight, two of the women on their team were also busy trying to argue over the same things over in the womens locker room.

Afterwards they went and complained to the league officials. We went up to the sports bar for food and drinks instead. Leave the garbage on the ice.

Yet at one point in the game sitting on the bench, my head started to hurt again. Either my head has gotten bigger or something is still wrong. I've already changed to a slightly roomier helmet so thats ruled out...

I don't feel good. All week I could feel the slight pain and discomforts around my liver again. It's like the some sort of blockage in one of the pathways of the liver. Or at least that is what I believe it is. With all the eating from travelling for the past six to eight weeks, it's probably caught up to me. The leftover halloween candy is almost all gone with just the small bag of chips left. I think I'll leave the bag of jelly beans for my coworkers.

My efforts to gain weight recently has paid off appearancewise as some have told me that I don't look as thin as I used to but unfortunately I haven't seen it on the scale.

There's a slight bit of nausea right now. Time to go sleep early for once. Time for another flush. I'm due.

Tour de Grouse

Watching Lance Armstrong get his sixth consecutive win in what is probably considered the biggest bicycle racing event of the year has been amazing. I'm a sports tech geek and love seeing all the expensive bikes that the racers use as well as learning about all the tactics employed for the various types of stages. As he has done every year except but more so this year, he completely obliterated all the leading contenders for the mayo de jaune in the french mountains. I don't know if that is the correct translation for the leaders yellow jersey but I just keep hearing it from the guy on the OLNTV channel. Regardless, all this from a man who took a two years leave of abscense to fight cancer which had spread throughout his body.

Interestingly enough, the previous american who had success in this event ( three times) had battled back from a gun shot to the leg. Don't ask me how that happened.

And during the three week event I became interested again in cycling. Having sold my road racing bike many years ago, then my mountain bike just last year, I wanted to buy another super light road bike to climb the local mountains like I used to. Too many sports toys to accumulate so I start back in a simpler mode. To revive my goal of doing the ever popular Grouse Grind hiking trail in under forty minutes. Don't let the word 'hiking' fool you though as the trail resembles one long continuous stair climb up the mountain side to the bottom of the Grouse Mountain ski slopes. Trees shade the majority of the trail from the burning rays of the sun.

Every week until the end of August, I will tackle the trail and seek to improve my time with the first one on Monday clocking in at 44 minutes and 18 seconds. Not bad as it is just over four minutes out. This first time is quite good considering everything I've been doing to 'flush' out my liver for the past year as well as not keeping a regular "strenuous" workout regime. Maybe the attempt at eating healthy is working. Just keep all that spinach, peanut snacks and juices coming. And the occasional burgers and fries!

How's your daily lunch hour run coming along Trip?

The Art of Healing - A Wholistic Approach

Magnolia wasn't on last week when I said I was going to watch it. Instead, life took a break for the weekend.

Work was monotonous and I decided to go to the celebration meeting for my hockey pool. Unfortunately I didn't keep up to date with plans and nobody showed up at the Sunset Grill, the usual hangout for this group as well as the former group. The latter being my friends coworkers at EA Sports. This evening was a bust so I went home not feeling very well. A nauseating headache had been brewing inside me all day and a weekend off was what I needed to relieve myself of my misery. I never take pain killers anymore. Instead I usually just drink water and try to get through a normal headache except that I know that this is not a normal headache.

A few years ago, I had sought the help of a woman who practiced wholistic healing. She taught me quite a few things which I believe to be very valuable in this day and age. With huge drug companies pushing their products as much as possible, I do not think that the current state of western medicine is completely capable of providing care without the all to prevailing symbol of the dollar sign hanging over its head. So I made myself open to her form of healing where she showed me her theories of past life regression analysis, karma, the bodies energies and the five chakra's. Or was that six - I can't remember. In particular, the energies in our body is similar to the Chi energy which many asian practioners refer to. When we are sick, we store a well of negative energy in some particular region of our body. That build up creates a blockage of free energy and if left long enough, will eventually do significant harm. With the long term effects being one of many illnesses which remain a mystery to mankind. The most prevailing one being cancer. These illnesses are also associated with various issues which we deal with in life. Loss of loved ones, hurtful feelings towards others, personal grudges - things which tend to stick with us as we go through life and may be hard to let go or accept. Don't you just hate it when you see some old person who is grumpy and really really stubborn? In their eyes, they've been wronged so bad at one point or another in their life that they just can't let go of that issue, carrying it with them for what may seem like an eternity. Maybe someone just needed to say sorry and the whole issue may not have been blow out of proportion in the first place.

It is this act of not letting go or accepting which forces us to hold what would be considerred negative or bad energy inside us to our detriment. This also leads to self punishment. We sometimes do things which repeatedly punish ourselves because of an innate sense of unworthyness or failure. When I was first asked to list ten things which I did to punish myself, I was perplexed as I did not 'consciously' think that I was physically harming myself in any way. But then as I learned this whole approach, I realized that yes, I was punishing myself over things in my past and punishing others. Doing things which prevented me and others from enjoying life to the fullest because I had subconsciously told myself 'no, you or they will never be able to do that' because you failed at it in the past. Like being grounded without your parents telling you that you are. Punishment does not have to be physical, it can be mental and not just towards yourself but upon others as well. And if it happens to be physical i.e. twisted ankle, bruised arm, then you will definitely feel the 'heat' seap away from the point of injury to the grounding points at the stones which are held against your palms and feet.

This brings me to the next point. Besides using various chinese herbal concoctions which are no secret to many, she helps you find the issue at its deepest roots and combines them with a series of draining and cleansing of the bodies energies. By rubbing a tincture into the hands and feet and fastening a large stone to each point, you can create a draining effect whereby you will experience what may feel like heat energy travelling from the source of the 'pain' to your extremities. If you have some sort of headache, you will feel the 'heat' travel from your head down through your arms to the nearest grounding point which would be your palms. The tincture is very strong and emits an odor similar to the ever popular tiger balm. After doing this for a few three hour sessions, you can definitely notice a sensation of relief. While doing this, it is also important to recognize this kind of 'draining' pain as opposed to the pain you feel at the moment you hurt yourself in an accident, illness or even during your headache. Once released, the channels in your body will be free to allow positive energy to flow to all parts of the body.

Another important aspect is the use of salt baths. When you draw out the negative energy, it stays with the stones and your own body aura. The salt bath helps to 'clean' your aura and running water in a sink will clean the rocks. It's like standing barefooted on grass or in a pond. Electricity has nowhere to go but down to the ground.

From small shiny silvery stones to the large flat and glossy stones made with a special breed of petrified wood, she had many different types for various parts of the body and their associated energy imbalances. I ended up with my own set of four obsideon rocks which were tumbled smooth for me and I used a brand of tincture called WoodLock which I purchased at a local chinese herbal medicine store. The longer you keep issues at bay, the longer it takes to draw out that source of pain - sometimes. I am a hepatitus B carrier. It was passed on to me by my father at birth and as a result, I have had various health difficulties in my life. Most of which I was not even conscious of when I was a child. The disease has a way of manifesting itself without you knowing. Having grown up in a family where my mother had to raise three children without a father, there were many emotional issues which could be associated with this condition. My father had passed away when I was only six. There lies the source of my issues and present state of health as I am led to believe. While I have not completely abandoned western medicine, I am quite thankful for having the opportunity to learn of this whole other philosophy in the art of healing. Many would consider this some sort of witchcraft.

On the eve of the present new week, I watched Magnolia. It was on the International Film channel although I think I will have to watch it again to understand the meaning a bit more. One thing which I have realized is that there are few obstacles in life which no one else has already suffered or gone through before. We are just repeating these cycles in our lives. In our past lives. In our future lives. If such a phenomenon does exist.